It’s impressive how wrong some things in life are. Criticize? Most people like to do it, but being criticized is pretty much the most unpleasant thing. And this even though there is hardly anything more important than learning from one another – it is not for nothing that the ability to take criticism (which is said to be so familiar) is so high up the list when it comes to job interviews or personality tests, like the ones we do at the Escort Agency.

Criticize? Most people like to do it, but being criticized is pretty much the most unpleasant thing.

Of course, I also think (in all modesty, lol) that I am pretty capable, as an escort girl, of criticism, and accordingly, I can also approach my relationship without restraint, right? I mean, at eye level and accepting my partner’s criticism – with open arms and bowed head. I’m not sure what level of criticism is appropriate in a relationship, what’s expected, helpful, or respectful. And yes, I think there could be different answers.

I’m not sure what level of criticism is appropriate in a relationship, what’s expected, helpful, or respectful

In the long run, it just doesn’t work without complaint (unless you’re very passive and I’m not that, sorry, not sorry); after all, you usually want to develop yourself further together, and who could support you better than a sincere, loving one Opposite, who in the course of a severe relationship was allowed to get to know pretty much all the negative characteristics, habits and behaviour patterns of the other.

Criticism as it lives and breathes  – everything is normal.

Yes, of course, “there is no such thing as normal” we are all unique, which is beautiful. But somehow, there is normal. It’s normal when my girlfriend tells me, maybe reluctantly, that she said to her boyfriend: “You suck”, and now she feels terrible and wonders what’s going on with her.

Then I say: “Hey, that’s normal, I’ve said it before, I’ve seen it in a series, and I’m sure someone has said it to me before and then that’s fine too.” That doesn’t mean it’s okay and an excellent example of good communication in a healthy relationship; just that it can happen doesn’t shock me, and I can relate.

In the long run, it is not possible without criticism; after all, as a rule, one would like to develop further together, and who could support one better than a loving counterpart

This may be a somewhat clumsy example of how one should probably not communicate, and yet I experience it all around me again and again: unthought-out criticism at the wrong time and in the wrong place that doesn’t solve anything but only makes everything worse:

For example, criticism that only comes as a backlash to other criticism (“You forgot to do the dishes!” is followed by “Whoa, but you didn’t do the dishes properly last week and didn’t wipe and everything!”), criticism that is voiced in moments in which the person opposite is already totally insecure and overwhelmed (“You don’t park like that!” while you’re already blocking the entire street and would have come to the brilliant conclusion that you don’t park OBVIOUSLY like that.) or criticism of something, which was meant kindly or was an additional effort (“Thanks for cooking, only a little salt and pepper is missing and it was in the oven for too long, but quite good.” – Yes, hey, always happy).

All in good time

Coming to the second aspect: Ideally, criticism is constructive and helpful. And if I’m feeling down, overwhelmed, or hurt, there’s a pretty good chance I won’t be super relaxed, open, and grateful when someone criticizes me – it just wouldn’t be something I could accept in that situation. Not helpful.

When I’m feeling down, overwhelmed, or hurt, there’s a pretty good chance I won’t be super relaxed, open, and grateful when someone criticizes me. Of course, it’s still important to be informed if you can’t park or don’t use enough salt, but what is the right time for this, and how do you say something like that lovingly and effectively?

Be honest: It must also be possible to express criticism spontaneously in a concrete situation, which also works if there is a basis of trust for it. Sitting down and listening to what my partner has to say isn’t much fun, but it’s necessary. And, of course, a distinction must be made between criticism of ridiculous banalities and criticism of fundamental characteristics or behaviour.

I think it is essential to be aware of my partner’s insecurities in general and what experiences she has had in previous relationships (including family) if I want to criticize her. Experiences and behavioural patterns are often deeply embedded in us, and it is essential to classify actions and reactions correctly.

I think it is essential to be aware of my partner’s insecurities in general and what experiences she has had in previous relationships (including family) if I want to criticize her

Maybe my counterpart is afraid of rejection. It is all the more essential to include that to show that I recognize the other person’s perspective and offer a safe framework in which to be able to accept criticism. Maybe that sounds a bit too complicated, especially when it comes to small things? Yes. But I firmly believe that a primary, solid culture of criticism in a relationship can be applied to problems and disagreements, big or small, and makes life and love easier.

Criticism is a spectrum

For example, I am enormously talented in throwing myself into an instant fiery counter-argument: This often leads to my verbal victory, but very rarely to the fact that we can clarify and solve something in our partnership. Ideally, criticism is a dialogue and not a fight. However, it is hardly surprising that it sometimes feels quite warlike if you look at the German vocabulary in critical disputes: “to defy someone”, “to bring out heavy artillery”, “counter”, and “thick air” – ever who noticed, that is the vocabulary of war? Logically, I would like to offer resistance in the heat of the moment.

Ideally, criticism is a dialogue and not a fight

My friend loves to clarify things quickly; once they are in the room, I have to collect myself briefly, polish my pride, not take the insult too personally and need some time to classify everything. Either way is acceptable, I guess, as long as I understand why my boyfriend is pushing and not letting go right now, and he knows I’m not avoiding things or suddenly shutting down, I need to collect myself for a moment. Therefore, let’s communicate how we generally want to deal with criticism and not within a moment of criticism (stupidest idea ever)!

Let’s communicate how we generally want to deal with criticism and not within a moment of criticism!

If we learn to criticize correctly, especially about partnerships, that is an incredible added value for respectful cooperation in which all parties can feel safe and respected. People criticize differently, which probably has a lot to do with how we learned or didn’t learn the whole thing. So, the key is to communicate, recognize (and breakthrough) your patterns, and not start a direct fight but to engage in an honest dialogue. Overqualified for a Relationship: Do I Have to Stay Single Because I Know My Self-Worth?

Pretty weird word. “Overqualified”. It is defined in the dictionary as “having competencies/skills (qualifications) beyond those required to perform a task”. – But what about the “love relationship task?”

I am now confident about myself

I am a cheerful, helpful, open and intelligent escort girl. I was tall enough to be a part-time model in college and pretty enough to have men turning to me on the street. My friends say: you are beautiful on the outside and the inside. My friends say: you are beautiful on the outside and the inside. I have numerous hobbies that require creativity and passion.

There is hardly a sport that doesn’t interest me and no book from which I can still learn something. I play instruments and like to travel. I do handicrafts, and gardening is my passion. I’m successful in (almost) every area of ​​life, and most of the time, I don’t even have to do anything for it.

I have many friends: I get it if I need a hug. If I want to cuddle, I get that too. And when I need sex, I can think of many solutions to obtain satisfaction. I have five siblings whom I love and who love me, and four nephews and nieces and (step)parents who always support me at any cost. That sounds like self-adulation, but it wasn’t always like that: I grew up in fear and shame.

Be dependent, become independent

We moved often, and I never made friends at school. Physical violence was also part of my youth experiences. In addition, I can look back on several depressive episodes. I was psychologically abused in partnerships and then had blocked with men I wasn’t really into. Three therapies later, I understood that I should never undersell myself again and wait until I find what I’m looking for and never let anyone be even remotely evil to me.

But what does value mean in dating? We are told: “Woman, have self-confidence, get by yourself, never make yourself dependent!” I did it! Check, check, double-check. But maybe I overshot the mark? I date a lot. Sometimes I like my counterpart more than they want me or vice versa. That’s how it is.

70 dates over ten years later

However, if I get the faintest hint that I’m not valued or respected or that someone doesn’t think I’m as great as I do them, I’m out straight away and don’t look back. If I get the faintest hint that I’m not valued, respected or that someone doesn’t think I’m as great as I do them, I’ll be out and won’t look back.

Tiptop, right?! But what does that mean now? I’ve worked so hard not to “need” a partner, so I don’t get one? Is my self-esteem “too high”? And by that, I don’t mean too high standards: I don’t want the lawyer with the 1.92m, the great car and the dough! I want one thing: the man sees how I see myself and thinks I’m great because of it. We both want the same thing.

Seventy dates over ten years later, I’m still single. The funny thing is, I’m way happier than most people I know. Does that make me a unicorn? Am I doomed to be alone forever?

Should I lie on dates and make myself smaller? I can answer every question about the status quo of my life with an A+, not because I’m lying, but because it is so. Why is that? I usually don’t get that far on my dates. But I don’t think it’s essential either; what counts is what I am now and what I want to be.

To be happy, people must respect those around them and receive respect

We all have pride and are sensitive to how others treat us, their feelings, words, thoughts, and looks. However, we must not take things too personally because the reasons may differ when something unpleasant happens, not even related to us. People who hurt others are depressed; they react because of their frustrations and inner wounds, which they cannot get rid of or heal.

A love affair is essential to finding balance in your life. If you are already in a relationship and it has become dull, you should try to do something to change the atmosphere

Sometimes it is straightforward to save your relationship; you have to make a few gestures to get the appreciation of the other. It is not difficult to become a little inventive, especially when you are in a relationship where there are signs that you have lost your love. If you rekindle the flame of love, something else can be saved. Of course, other surprises matter – a beautiful holiday, a romantic dinner, an invitation to an extraordinary concert, visiting unique tourist attractions, etc. Don’t let love escape you because of pride that can destroy love!

The post How can I best criticize my partner first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

It has become quiet around me. Perhaps some, on the contrary, readers remember that my bisexual escort girl column texts “What I once wanted to say” have been available to read pretty regularly in recent years. This year I put most of my time into queer-feminist work in England’s first Bi+Prides and can now tell you about it in detail. As part of an enthusiastic group of Bi+activists, organize Bi+Pride 2021 for bi+sexual visibility. You can use Bi+  in activist and academic contexts as an umbrella term for all identities where a person can find people of more than one gender attractive.

So all people who are not monosexual. (Mono comes from the Greek and means “alone”, “only”, or “one”. This refers to homo- and heterosexual identities, which only refer to one gender.)

You can use Bi+ in activist and academic contexts as an umbrella term for all identities where a person can find people of more than one gender attractive. So all people who are not monosexual

Bi+sexuality includes, for example, bisexual, pansexual, queer, omnisexual, polysexual, homo- or heteroflexible and bi-curious. Some people also differentiate between sexual and romantic orientation. For example, they describe themselves as bisexual and homoromantic. At our Escort Agency, we encourage and support people to be what they want to be!

The ending “-sexual” in the orientations is usually used as an umbrella term but makes asexual people invisible. Therefore, some people explicitly use “-romantic” to express themselves even more clearly.

Our Bi+Pride on 23.09. – 09/25/2021

Our event consists of three days and starts on September 23rd, the official day of bisexuality. On Thursday, September 23rd, the bi-flag in pink, purple and blue will be hoisted at various online and offline locations.

On our homepage, you will find an overview of the exact locations where the flag is raised. So far, there were confirmed more than 14 cities and 23 buildings. There will be workshops (offline and online) on Friday, September 24th and other days. You can also find an overview here on the homepage. On Saturday, September 25th, there will be a demonstration throughout downtown London. You can see the entire route of the march here.

I am often asked why this is important. “Isn’t one CSD enough for everyone?” Together under the rainbow? Definitely! But there are also bi+-specific topics. And unfortunately, again and again, ignoring, making invisible and not taking Bi+ seriously – also in the queer community. We want to clarify this and, of course, change it.

I am often asked why this is important. “Isn’t one CSD enough for everyone?” Together under the rainbow? Definitely! But there are also bi+-specific topics

Bi+ erasure (making bi+sexuality invisible) means, among other things, lack of representation, lack of community, lack of awareness of the issue, lack of language and lack of recognition. This means that most of our culture stands and operates under the assumption that bi+sexuality does not and cannot exist most of the time.

This also results in many harmful prejudices about bi+sexuals, which I wrote about two years ago. Anyone who would like to find out more detailed information can do so on my homepage, where I have researched and worked through the many facets of bi+sexuality. If you prefer to listen, you can do so on my podcast. It can be said: All of this has severe consequences for those who love and desire more than one sex.

A little insight:

Bi+sexual young people need role models and visibility, as they are much more likely than homosexual (and heterosexual) peers to be bullied or tend to abuse drugs, are out much less often, and bi+sexual girls complain of sexualized assaults. (US study “Supporting And Caring For Our Bisexual Youth”). Bi+sexuals are often not taken seriously in the LGBTQIA+ community either, and they are repeatedly denied the right to belong. (DW article)

Bi+sexuals are not an insignificant minority, but 21% of German adults place themselves in the bi+sexual spectrum (18 to 24-year-olds, even 39%). (representative study by YouGov). 6 out of 10 bi+sexual women (61%) have experienced rape, physical violence and stalking by an intimate partner – significantly more than lesbians (44%) or straight women (35%). (US study “Sexual Violence, Stalking, and Intimate Partner Violence by Sexual Orientation”; easy to read here)

I didn’t know any of this myself for a long time and found it very frightening to read these numbers

It was long for me to classify my personal experiences as bisexual in the big picture. I only now realized how much I needed community – with the people who don’t need to be explained because they know it themselves. I didn’t know any of this myself for a long time and found it very frightening to read these numbers. It was long for me to classify my personal experiences as bisexual in the big picture.

Organizing a demo with an event around it for the first time is a coarse feeling. Being genuinely surrounded by your community for the first time and having a safe space is even more blatant. Access to the Bi+ community and learning about the many examples of Bi+ activists who have contributed to the LGBTQIA+ community can relieve some of the isolation and stress of not feeling “queer enough”. It can also help people better understand their identities as they can then access the thoughts and texts of other bi+sexual people and what it means(d) to be bi+sexual.

My wish is for straight or gay people who want to be allies (ally) for bi+people to educate themselves about bi+sexuality and listen to bi+sexual people

You can also ask bi+sexual people what they want from you as an ally.

Very important: Acknowledging that bi+sexuality exists and that it is a matter of personal and complete orientation. And: Acknowledging that there is bi+specific discrimination and its consequences, which differs from homophobia. Even if there are, of course, aspects that affect both sides. My wish is for straight or gay people who want to be allies (ally) for bi+people to educate themselves about bi+sexuality and listen to bi+sexual people.

In principle, couples and sexual practices are still often described according to which gender or – thought cis-normatively – which genitals occur. For example, if two people with vulvas have sex, it is called lesbian sex. But sex has no sexual orientation—only people who have it have one. If you don’t know a person’s sexual and romantic identity, don’t alien label them. Not even if you think you can read them from the choice of partner. Sexual and romantic identity and gender are not visible from the outside. People can only give you this information.

If you don’t know a person’s sexual and romantic identity, don’t alien label them

Not even if you think you can read them from the choice of partner. Sexual and romantic identity and gender are not visible from the outside. We are all human, and I wish that we will live in a world where everyone lives without discrimination so that neither CSD nor Bi+Pride is needed. As long as that is not the case, I can only cordially invite everyone – regardless of whether they are bi+ or not – to the first Bi+Pride in England. Offline, online, everything is possible.

Unforgettable Forbidden Nights: How I Risk Everything to Please You

A party, a woman, a man. The classic among introductory stories. And yet somehow different. At least that’s how it felt. Me, 30, married, child. He, 26, forgiven. Any average person would shake their heads now – but the attraction was too great. The first exchange of views was too intense. And then, when we stumbled over each other, it was unavoidable. Me, 30, married, child. He, 26, forgiven. Any average person would shake their heads now – but the attraction was too great.

Less than 15 minutes later, we were holding each other outside. Our bodies wanted to feel, dance and forget. Enjoy this one moment that was given to us. I trembled with every touch, and at some point, the boundaries blurred. At some point, we became one, even though I resisted for a long time. I didn’t want to let it, but it felt so good. I felt like I’d never felt before. It was a roller coaster of touches. Each felt different.

The next morning

We held each other all night and looked into each other’s eyes in the morning. There was something there, something particularly unique. At least that’s what I believed. You told me that you like my smile; I told you how wonderful deep brown your eyes are. You said to me that I remind you of your ex. I was flattered because she meant so much to you. And somehow not.

We held each other all night. And looked into each other’s eyes in the morning. There was something there, something particularly unique. At least that’s what I believed. You told me that you wanted to see me again. I told you it’s not possible. We talked about all the superficial and profound things. And then we left. We are separate from each other. Without goodbye. Simply that way.

Not without you

I wrote to you on the way home. that I already miss you. You were happy; at least that’s how I understood it. And after a few days, we had an appointment. A date when we will meet again. It was confusing and exciting at the same time. Back in everyday life, the thoughts are always only with this one person who is not your husband. And I thought it was the same for both of us. But as it turned out, it wasn’t.

It was confusing and exciting at the same time. Back in everyday life, the thoughts are always only with this one person who is not your husband. We saw each other again. In the hotel room, another classic. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, attacking each other like animals. Then lay naked next to each other, arm in arm. Felt that one song with everything that goes with it. You looked into my eyes, and I looked into yours. We were in that fragile little bubble where every moment was perfect.

The slap in the face

And then the bubble burst. You were hungry, and so was I. You casually said that we couldn’t touch each other outside. That you have other women who could see us. And I heard this loud cracking sound. Although it was much too early for such feelings, this tear in my heart. But since when do feelings reason?

I tried to cover it up, telling myself it was all about this damn good sex. We ate, and he yawned and yawned, his eyes wandering and rarely coming back to me. I joked about his womanizing. And he showed me pictures. And I felt terrible. Not good enough. And what did I do? I invited him to dinner; he paid for the hotel room after all. Self-esteem? Goodbye

I tried to cover it up, telling myself it was all about this damn good sex. We ate, and he yawned and yawned, his eyes wandering and rarely coming back to me.

And still, I couldn’t let go. Finally, he gave me what I was missing in the marriage. To be seen, to feel. Even if that was only possible in the bubble, I’m back with him in the hotel room. We were arm in arm, and it felt so damn good that I was willing to push everything else aside. So that at 5:45 a.m., we delighted the hotel room with our squeaky bed. And the following day, he only saw me again, shared his heart with me, and felt like we’d known each other forever.

The bottom line

As soon as I got home, I realized how much I missed him. And how bad he is for me. I let him know I couldn’t do that because I was too valuable. And yet I wish every day that he writes to me. That he tells me that he wants to see me again. He tells me things he doesn’t tell anyone else. And every day that he doesn’t call me, my heart keeps breaking a little bit because two nights can be damn intense.

The post Bi+Pride 2021 and forbidden nights first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

Your Words were on my display every day. for weeks. Every day. Until today

So today is the first day without your words. Today is not a good day. The last few days weren’t that good either, but today is particularly bad. Because today is probably the legendary day when there is simply nothing more to say. There are simply no more words left. For an escort girl, who deals with people everyday, it’s pretty hard to have a frustrating relationship.

I had to let you go; there was no other way

It was my decision not to want to read your words anymore. To tell you that it doesn’t work that way anymore. That with the terms and that with us. Our thing became more familiar and narrow, although it was clear from the start that it would only move up to a specific limit. I just had to move the border forward. I was anticipating you so you don’t keep worrying every day that we reach the limit.

You say the timing is terrible. But is it really the timing? Or does the timing not matter when the real thing is in front of you? Won’t clocks then become obsolete? Apparently not. At least not for you. You keep looking at your watch, and you might lose sight of the big picture. Yes. You’re somehow different. At least you were honest in another way. Like when you told me just before our first meeting that it wouldn’t happen. Because before our contact came about and deepened more and more every day, you met someone else. But it has happened.

I just wanted to know who is behind the lyrics that put a smile on my face in so many moments

Our meeting and further intensification. I just wanted to know who is behind the lyrics that put a smile on my face in so many moments—just a quick look. Like a solar eclipse, where staring too long is not allowed. Because he does damage. I just wanted to take a quick look. But my gaze got stuck.

I knew from the start that we were both getting out of our matches and starting to play wildly. We eventually lit candles, made a campfire, and switched to arson. Now everything is on fire, at least inside me. Experience has shown that there is a high probability that the flames will eventually diminish and then die out entirely over the course of months. But I already know today that the clouds of smoke that form the word “different” will be in the air for a long time.

A little earlier and everything would have been different

You say that if we had met just a little earlier, everything would have been different. You say that there might be a restart under entirely different conditions in the future. But even with this restart, the soot particles from all this would still be in the air. I should keep coughing from it. Even without cigarettes.

This is the end of our story. The other story, which in the future is the same. Because there is no happy ending

I’d have to cough that I was just your backup plan. So I don’t let this hope arise in the first place. Here and today. The first day without your words on display. This is the end of our story. The other story, which in the future is the same. Because there is no happy ending. I have to do without the cliffhanger. Even if it were your wish, I could no longer keep in touch with you. I don’t want to read simple words from you and think you are sitting next to another human being. Plan A. Who set his watch right.

Unfortunately, none of this changes the fact that this decision not to read your words anymore was made exclusively by my head because my stomach is still so interested in your comments. And your thoughts. And you. Because he still believes that you are different.

I’m not hungry, and I can’t think – except for what might have been

So now the head hurts because it was in the decision-making process in a very atypical way and the stomach. I’m not hungry and can’t think – except for what might have been if I hadn’t lost my watch so long ago.

Signs of our love: of love poems and separation boxes

The last few months have been like a reverse mating season in my little social bubble here in Berlin. There were so many “closing lines” that I also wondered if relationships at my age should last and how to deal with so much change and confrontation. What remains at the end of such a relationship?

The nostalgic separation box

There is currently separation chaos in Berlin. That’s what happened to one of my closest friends a few weeks ago when she called me heartbroken, and I could hardly understand a word because of the tears on the phone. Two weeks later, I can finally hug her, and there is a new person in front of me.

The sadness about the sudden end of the relationship is still dormant somewhere in her, but she smiles at me; she exudes self-confidence and strength and is one of the most challenging people I know. I can only imagine how much mental work is behind this development. We’re standing in her new apartment two weeks later, surrounded by old mutual acquaintances who only recently went through a similar situation. They all have a different effect on me, radiate a new power, move more self-determined and look at me in a new way.

The relationship lasted longer than it should have and was so hard to let go that I never thought it would be possible one day.

I’ve only had one absolute separation myself – that of my childhood sweetheart. The relationship lasted longer than it should have and was so hard to let go that I never thought it would be possible one day.

I forced myself to pack the separation box: a box full of love letters, souvenirs from school days together, poems about him, souvenirs from vacations together, the last shirt that no longer smelled like him, and the previous shopping list we wrote together had. The box is with my parents, and now and then, I catch myself opening it when they visit. And then I hold in my hands one of the few tangible proofs of our time together.

Lovesickness – for all who want

I don’t know if most people pack boxes like that in their lifetime – and if I would do it again or if I just needed it after my first breakup. After all, most relationship remnants are intangible, incapable of being packed up, and not quickly put away.

In my opinion, breakups don’t hurt as much because we’re afraid there’s no one else out there, but we know there’s never the same person again. Never the same relationship again. We mourn the uniqueness of the person we loved and ultimately who we were in the relationship. Breakups don’t hurt as much because we’re afraid there’s no one else out there, but we know there’s never the same person again.

For some people, the “tangible” witnesses of their past – like those in my separation box – are more important than others. My girlfriend didn’t pack a box after her breakup, but the song her ex-boyfriend wrote for her is on her Spotify playlist. It’s the same song that many people turn on at Sunday brunch at some point, not thinking about it, not knowing about them, but filling it with their feelings, their memories and daydreams.

A poem for you

I recently entered a writing contest with a short poem about my relationship with my boyfriend. This morning I had an invitation in my inbox to recite the nominated poem at the award ceremony. I suddenly thought to myself: Hmm, what a strange feeling that must have been for my friend that I am reading a text written for him and by him.

What a bizarre notion of how much that is intimate one carries to the outside world. And at the same time, this notion doesn’t seem strange: Isn’t everything that we artistically express, write, paint, sing, dance, create or think emerge from an original spark of our own emotions?

Isn’t everything that we express, write, create or think artistically originate from an original spark of our own emotions?

So this public reading feels like a revelation for me, which makes a small piece of my heart understandable for other people. It doesn’t matter whether they understand a completely different meaning behind my words and whether my poem possibly arouses completely different associations and feelings in the listeners than in me.

Even if the words stay the same, I’m sure I’ll read the poem in a year differently than when I wrote it. I’ll reread it in a few years and think back to that time and what my life and I were like. Maybe someone else reads it and thinks differently.

However, it is transformed. It always remains a product of my feelings about that one relationship with an extraordinary person at a specific time in a particular place. For me, it remains another tangible witness of its time.

The immaterial witnesses of our love

How can I comfort my partner after the breakup? I’ve asked myself this question repeatedly for the last few weeks. I think the thought of the immaterial witnesses of time is constructive (at least for me). When you feel lonely and alone in the world and once again have to learn that you can only rely on yourself at the end of the day.

I’m not implying that different partners help you get to know yourself better and better understand what you want out of a relationship. No, I’m thinking more of “learning to love” and of all the skills that we are taught by our partners, that we understand, or that we teach the other person ourselves.

I could say now: My boyfriend taught me how to cook curry, introduced me to strength training and rekindled my love for nature. Or also: Through our relationship, I have become more patient, resilient and careful. I have learned to be more self-confident in dealing with my fellow human beings and stand up for myself more.

No matter what happens to our relationship: The experience of our feelings for each other and the memory of our time together will shape the rest of my life.

I’ll tell my partner if he wants to talk about it. He, too, will carry on this relationship and the memory of his ex-girlfriend, and not only in his heart but quietly for himself alone.

But out into the world, namely with his personality, his charisma, his actions and all the decisions he makes. And it’s not essential to narrow down and pinpoint exactly where that one person’s influence begins or ends. After all, this is a matter of interpretation, and everyone can make of it what they want and create new meaning from it.

Happiness is not posted on Facebook, just as love does not grow with the Likes received

Did you break up? But why? How so? Everything looked perfect in all the pictures on Facebook and Instagram. I can’t believe you broke up. – this is the typical answer of a friend who just found out that you are now alone.

The truth is that all these photos do not mean or describe the whole relationship. They only reflect one moment, not every moment.

We must not compare our relationships with those of the people around us. We are so different. The more we try to be like that couple who looks happy and cute in the photos they post every day on Facebook and Instagram, the more focused we are on posting to show people how comfortable we are. But we forget the meaning and essence of being with someone. It’s not about looking happy together. It’s about being EFFECTIVELY delighted together.

The post Signs of love while playing with fire first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

I love scrolling through my saved Spotify playlists, always looking for a new song that touches me deep inside. The best and most relaxed way is when I’m sitting on the train. Nothing else I might have to or could do for hours. And so I sank into the highs and lows of the tones last time and landed a hit. I came across “Maybe Don’t” by Maisie Peters feat. JP Saxe heard the lyrics and was struck.

Suddenly it surfaced again – the memory of the last heart massacre I had performed on myself the previous summer, before I started working at the Escort Agency.

The fear of getting involved with someone again

“We should never speak again because I like you,” it says. “We should never speak again because I want you,” it continues. These lines give me a realistic flashback that it’s hard for me to keep my heart in the here and now. With every breath I take, I can feel my heart beating. But not in its life-sustaining function. It’s the throbbing of the scars it’s borne ever since.

The fear of getting involved with someone again is still there. Even I work as an escort girl, I don’t feel ready to step back into the dating minefield yet. Mainly since in the past, I’ve acted more like an overzealous mine-sniffing dog who hasn’t yet understood that he should only point out found mines and not pounce on them. Tick, tick, boom!

And your heart is in tatters again. You should only enter such a minefield carefully and with the best equipment. But I feel naked and defenceless; I’m not even sure if I’ve ever had adequate protective armor or just misplaced it for a short period.

Togetherness takes two

I gave you the key to my heart then. You dropped it, frightened like a glowing lump of coal for fear of burning you. You said you weren’t ready for this and that we shouldn’t see each other again, even though your behavior spoke an entirely different language.

Maybe it’s just my Hollywood spoiled heart wanting to believe that was the case with you.

“Cause I run from the things that I want the most”, it says elsewhere in the current crash song of my heart. Yeah, maybe it’s just my Hollywood spoiled heart wanting to believe it was yours. I would love to replace the “a” in Crash with a “u”.

But you didn’t have a crush on me, and it takes two to be together. It’s probably really quite simple, and you just wanted the feeling, but not what was behind it, not even the prospect of a possible commitment. A trend that I am increasingly observing today. In my and the dating experiences of my girlfriends (so it can’t be solely my fault). Yes, maybe you just wanted love-to-go and not to stay.

Yes, maybe you just wanted love-to-go and not to stay. Since then, I’ve been searching and searching deep within myself

I was so shocked by your reaction that I couldn’t catch my key. And so he fell deep into some nook and cranny of my soul. Since then, I’ve been searching and searching deep inside myself to find him again.

I blindly feel my way around every corner, waiting for that feeling when my fingertips finally trace its familiar contours so I can put it in place and get my heart pumping again. One day I will find him again.

Our love was beyond good and evil

I loved you so incredibly. Unconditionally. But even if you did get in touch, how could I forgive you for what you did to me? How could I ever trust again? How could I still look at myself in the mirror? So, like a vulnerable little child, I wander desperately through life searching for myself. Disoriented on lost paths I’m stumbling around trying to find you…How ridiculous! Given that I lost myself on the way to myself. Shouldn’t I instead want to find myself? They say you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself… what nonsense.

I was never that important to me, but fuck it, did I love you! Everything in me, Everything about you. So much so that I cut myself deeper every day to be with you. It was knowing full well that this would not last with us, which didn’t stop me from hoping instead of running as far as possible as fast as possible.

Of healing and torn scars

A part of me is healthy, wants to forget you, heal, recover from this pain and is glad you’re gone. He knows I’d probably be a lot worse right now if you were still around. However, there is this other. The part that, after all this, would still go into any fight WITH you instead of against you.

A part that would protect you with its life. An amount that may never really go away. So here I stand. I was left alone. Embittered, deeply shaken, and scarred so deep they may never fully fade. Always ready to rip open, bleed again…I survived it. I know that… But how do you live now? When every part of my body calls out to you and my torn to pieces heart, with every fiber, longs for the man who smashed it so severely to mend it again.

Used, betrayed and exchanged

Devastating. Unscrupulous. Self-important. And the worst: without any own damage. Because your mission was never to find the woman for life, but a woman for life. So you used, betrayed and exchanged me. Again. And don’t come back until it’s too late.

So you exchanged me, betrayed me and used me. Again. And don’t come back until it’s too late, which is good for me but drives me to despair some nights. This crushing, unbearable pain surges through every fiber of my body. I’m trying to escape from him. So I pick myself up, learn to live again—a life without you.

My heart in a bind, but I only love you

Yes, I know precisely; I love you. And I also feel that we are far from having ultimately left the infatuation phase behind us when my stomach starts to tingle as soon as I see you again after a long time. Nevertheless, unfortunately despite all reason and feelings, I have this crush. No, there are several small infatuations, depending on who I meet over the week.

I knew him before I met you and adored his brown eyes and deep voice, which revealed a lot under the mask.

For example, one of the fathers from the daycare center. I knew him before I met you and secretly adored his brown eyes and deep voice that hinted at ambiguity under the mask. I indeed projected most of them myself, but much joy must be allowed in everyday work.

Or my neighbor from the side wing. He always carries his bike to the first floor because he doesn’t want to lock it up in the yard and then scurries past us, embarrassed, whispering a greeting. How often have I imagined him disappearing into his apartment with a pounding heart and putting our names together on the doorbell? Infantile? Allegedly!

Your best friend – my crush

Recently though, there’s someone else – and I’m sure you can’t have missed it because it can’t have escaped many of us – I’m fascinated with your best friend. When we sit at the table and smash balls to each other playing ping pong – funny on good days, snappy on bad days – my heart beats with joy, or I get annoyed about the embarrassment until the next meeting.

When he sits down next to me, and his shoulder touches my shoulder very lightly, the only thing that keeps me from mistaking you guys is his particular aftershave or hair wax scent, and I jump up because I don’t like either. On the other hand, you smell lovely and like coming home in 99 per cent of all encounters.

Despite that, or maybe because of that, I feel drawn to him next to you and relish making you both laugh, think outside of the box for both of you, and hold your hands as we dance drunk from the club to the bar.

I’m only ashamed the following day. I am sorry because at night I dreamed of all of us

I’m only ashamed the following day. I am sorry because at night I dreamed of all of us. Admittedly, we waxed each other’s legs with strips of cold wax. And I feel even more ashamed when I try to make amends and fiercely promote my single girlfriends like this is a bazaar and you are my wares. I’m so embarrassed that I’m considering deleting this text, but at the same time, I’m curious if other people out there feel the same way I do.

After all, this area of ​​tension accompanies us through long relationships and raises questions such as: Do I live better in monogamy or do I like an open relationship? Is my choice of partner the right one, or is that a very natural reaction to anything with two legs (which I like)? Is it just me, or do you also tick like this regularly? Would I feel betrayed, or could I handle your frankness? Does this feeling go away with time, with age, or is there more to it?

Knowing that you’re the one I want to grow old with, picture my children with, put my arm around my waist at night, and miss when he’s not around is very helpful. The hope that we are now the riddle after my years of unrequited love or frustrating dates makes me proud and optimistic.

Feelings of opportunity – or something serious?

What lies behind these feelings of opportunity, I can only guess. From needing recognition to fears of getting involved, to the simple pleasure of an innocent flirtation…I think there’s a grain of truth in everything. When you let me know that old friends got back in touch and you send me pictures of you holding a glowing beauty in your arms, that doesn’t leave me indifferent either.

Could I share with you like an apple? Could I give you the experience of staggering down the streets between my best friend holding hands and me? Would I see you sitting shoulder to shoulder next to her and think nothing of it? Or am I selfish and you wonderfully naive? Maybe a bit of everything here too.

The truth is, I would hate you both. I would be resentful and jealous, feel stupid and ugly, and it wouldn’t take ten minutes for my inner child to get the upper hand.

Because, the truth is, I’d hate you both. I would be resentful and jealous, feel stupid and ugly, and it wouldn’t take ten minutes for my inner child to get the upper hand. I would ask you not to hurt me and remind my best friend of the code we came up with when we were in our early twenties. I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a second if I knew that you would dream your way to her at night – even remove her leg hair.

So I’ll leave these emotional outliers and give us rest. You can keep your best friend to yourself, and I’ll swallow my crazy feelings. Because as I said at the beginning: I know precisely, I love you.

Don’t know how you feel about him? How do you know it’s just a momentary passion?

Important decisions taken too early, maximum delight followed by deep disappointment, the fire of passion that after a short time you feel entirely extinguished, the reality of a person who does not match the image you have built in your mind. You feel a momentary passion is taking over your mind, and you become very insecure. Is it something temporary, a straw fire or the natural feeling you’ve been waiting for?

Limited time

The passion of the moment is like a sudden fire. You don’t even know when or where it started, it burns violently and goes out relatively quickly. In a few months, this crush will go away, and the damage can be significant if you are not careful.

Confusion and games

You do not know precisely how you stand or your relationship’s nature. It is not clear, transparent and appeals to various games that twist your mind. You seem to be feverish, everything is uncertain, and you have an intense activation state. And if you have sex, the situation is similar. He is often even in a serious relationship, is married, or is the unstable type with multiple adventures.

The post Our love was beyond good and evil first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

And as so often, you come to mind, but only on certain songs. You’d think it would be ours. But they aren’t, because we’ve never heard them together.

And as so often, you come to mind, but only on certain songs. You’d think it would be ours. But they aren’t, because we’ve never heard them together

I think to myself conversations that we lead to it. How we lead them and what we say. The way you look at me like I’m the most beautiful escort girl you’ve ever seen. Of course, this is all just the fruit of my imagination, in other words: a beautiful daydream that will never come true.

Dreamy Conversations

I replay the few short conversations we’ve had in real life in my head until I have the perfect answers to your questions. As if you could take back what has already been saying and replace it with something better. Pure wishful thinking, of course.

Every time I see you my heart skips a beat and the only question I want to ask you is: do you feel the same way? Don’t have the courage and be too scared of your answer as it won’t be the one I picture in my head almost every day.

Every time I see you my heart skips a beat and the only question I want to ask you is: do you feel the same way?

The question I then have for myself is: What does it bring me? Nothing, but one thing is certain: it does more harm than good. I get my hopes up for no reason and disappoint myself, so to speak. But in one moment it seems as if it were real – and I think that’s nice. I can’t stop, the urge to think of you only decreases from time to time, but it doesn’t go away completely.

The bitter reality

When we meet, which is a rarity, nervousness takes over, hot flashes follow, and my mouth can’t get a proper sentence out. Do you notice that? How can you not notice that? Even Facebook suggests you as a friend. Well, that’s probably from typing you into what feels like 100 times in the search box. The last time you visited me at work, you said you would like to come to my place. My answer was very perplexed: Yes, that’s fine. What kind of answer is that?

According to one of your emails, you want to buy me a coffee. I’m still waiting for it though – probably in vain. Why would you buy me a coffee too? You have a girlfriend, according to my research – and I have a boyfriend.

You probably just wanted to be nice to me and maybe flirt a little, that’s all

And now I just feel stupid. You probably just wanted to be nice to me and maybe flirt a little, that’s all. And I fool think the rest of it. But despite everything, I hope that you will come through the door at any moment and ask me for a coffee. One can probably still daydream.

Why her and not me? – I follow my ex’s new girlfriend on social media

How is it that I always think about my ex for a while, sometimes wistfully and often obsessively following his online activities? Is it self-loathing, masochism, or the dopamine rush that kicks in whenever I receive a morsel of information?

So I click through the profiles of his girlfriend, who is no longer that new, read about their last vacation together, and try to count how long we were together until he left me for her. She calls him boyfriend and he calls me girlfriend. She wants a themed cake from Sweden from him for his birthday and I just removed his birthday cakes from my freezer last year.

I mean, since I have a new partner who makes me happier than anyone else, at least I don’t feel lovesick anymore.

I mean, since I have a new partner who I like, makes me happier and makes me laugh like no other, at least I don’t feel lovesick anymore. But I feel something like envy. Envy of the winner for the key to his heart.

The feeling of being something special

He gave me the key to his apartment about a month after we met. It was also around that time that he indiscreetly yelled his first “I love you” in my face on the street, affirming that this was only the second time in his life that he had been so happy with a woman. Was that it? That naughty feeling of being special?

Now, when I lie next to my partner, I always feel special until he brings me down to earth. He doesn’t want another marriage, spending Christmas with my family is in his eyes a trifle, but by no means a reason for tears of joy and the key he gave me, I initially thought, in a mixture of mistrust and uncertainty, was a joke, which is why I keep ringing the bell every time I visit.

He thought we were wonderful and I thought we were wonderful. Unfortunately, he liked so many other women at the same time – last but not least, now her.

Of course, my ex screwed me up somehow. He made me feel important and right for a while. We got along so well, laughed, didn’t argue much, always hugged each other. He thought we were wonderful and I thought we were wonderful. Unfortunately, he liked so many other women at the same time – last but not least, now she.

So I stray over her profile, wrinkle my nose in contempt and think, “What are you doing here anyway?”. ‘Cause I should have gotten over it by now. I have found the other, the one great man for here and now. I’m just not sure, neither is feeling nor perception.

Been there, done that

Every scene feels the same as the first. Everything has somehow been seen, experienced, and felt. Every excursion, movie night, dinner with friends, and even the most basic entertainment. It’s life in the loop. And so there is no certainty, no uniqueness. It’s just a continuation of the old story to see if we can level up.

So when I look at her photos with envy, I discover my old world is hers. That should calm me down because I already had all that. I guess I’m just afraid that one day I might discover something new in her. Something I’ve never achieved. Lesson learned – I’m just going to finally block her profile now.

Are you made for each other?

No one and nothing will separate you. Here are the signs that tell you that the one you are with now is the one you will stay with until the end of your life. You’re lucky, did you know that? Some people have been looking for a partner for years to be with them, to complement them, to love them unconditionally, and with whom to spend the rest of their lives.

1. You have respect for each other

Without respect, a relationship will not last long. Respect does not only mean admiring the other person, but also showing respect for his or her desires, feelings, and rights in the relationship. When you respect someone, you not only accept them, but you also value their thoughts and opinions.

2. Encourage each other

Words of encouragement help a lot in the couple’s relationship. Encouragement means asserting the other person’s worth. Say things like these words:

– You’re special to me;

– I’m crazy about you;

– I couldn’t have done this without you;

– I love you;

– I am grateful for everything;

– I thank the Universe for bringing you into my life;

– You are everything I wanted from a partner.

When you say such beautiful things, your partner feels motivated to do your best to make your relationship a wonderful one.

3. You are vulnerable to each other

Being vulnerable means being willing to take emotional risks. Give up your masks, let your guard down and show all your weaknesses, fears, and talk about your disappointments in life. It takes courage to express such intimate emotions in front of your partner. Vulnerability is essential to the health of the relationship because it gives it more meaning and more depth.

When both partners are vulnerable, they offer each other feelings of security, of real, sincere, pure, and mature love.

4. You make it a priority

People who truly love make time for each other. They want to be together. They want to do beautiful things together. Their actions show that the relationship is the most important. If he spends time with you regularly, this is a clear sign of commitment to you.

5. There is complete trust

Trust is a massive part of a relationship.

The best way to gain your partner’s trust is to live your life and allow your actions to speak louder than what you say. How do you gain your partner’s trust? Here are some tips:

– do not lie to him;

– do not break your promises;

– choose to be there for him emotionally and physically;

– do not flirt with other people;

– show him that you care about him through small deeds;

– show him that you are trustworthy;

– tell him you care about him;

– Take off your masks and learn to be vulnerable in front of him.

6. Communicate very well

Good communication in a relationship means open and sincere communication. You have the freedom to be yourself and to share your private thoughts without fear of being judged. You can talk about anything, and that’s reciprocal. Also, good communication means talking about your concerns or things that bother you about the other person. If this is done kindly, the person next to you will understand that you wish him well and that you want to help him evolve and become his best version.

We already know that there is no couple without a problem, but the harmony and understanding in the relationship depends a lot on how the partners perceive and react to the obstacles they encounter. If we are often asked to call a couple of therapists when we have problems in love, well, before this step you can try self-therapy, more precisely a few steps to help you better understand where you are as a relationship and what you have. could do to improve the emotional connection.

Self-therapy in solving couple problems

The 14 questions that partners need to ask themselves. These questions are key in couple therapy because finding the answers to them, identifying current or even future problems, finding common or compromise solutions, understanding the expectations that the two should have from each other.

1. What are some of the current issues that may make it difficult for you to relate?
2. How do I express what I want from this relationship?
3. What can I do to improve the relationship right now and in the long run?
4. What do I want from my life partner? What do I dislike at the moment and how would I like it to be?
5. How do I express in front of my partner what I don’t like and what I would like from him?
6. Do I feel that my partner can meet my needs? Am I convinced that my message reached him and was understood?
7. What do I think are my behaviors that lead to conflicting relationships?
8. What are my relationship models learned in childhood and adolescence? Do I agree with them? Do I bring them with me in my current relationship, do I copy them?
9. How do I want my partner to change?
10. How do I want to change?
11. Am I independent of my partner? What about him?
12. If I think there are no solutions to the relationship I was dreaming of, am I able to say “goodbye”?
13. Do I feel ready to live alone?
14. What are some aspects of the relationship that I would certainly not overlook? But the ones I question about their acceptance?

The post I follow my ex’s new lover on internet first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

Five years of long-distance relationship, because I was working as an escort girl followed before we moved to my home country together. You were my first boyfriend, my first sex, my first life partner. Romantic, nightly walks under the starry sky, driving around in the car for hours and listening to music, love letters, tearful farewells and overjoyed reunions, travelling together, getting pets together, buying furniture, dancing around the apartment in underwear, weekly shopping in the supermarket.

You were my first boyfriend, my first sex, my first life partner

Graduate from high school, complete an apprenticeship and your first real job, the first resignation because you were unhappy at the position, squander your first salary together, go to parties together and make fun of guys who hit on me and buy you drinks, making soup for each other when you’re sick and slamming doors and yelling at each other because we’re mad at each other, apologizing and making up.

We experienced all of this together. You were my home, my family.

Day X

And then came day X. Stomach pains have plagued me for some time. I felt terrible and dull; something was wrong. In the past, we’ve always had arguments about one issue. I knew it was taking a toll on you, but I didn’t know how to change it.

Then you got a little more distant. You met up with colleagues more often, suddenly paid extreme attention to your appearance, your cell phone screen had a PIN code that I didn’t know. I asked you if everything was alright. If there was something, I should know. Once I even asked directly if you had someone else. You looked me in the eyes and said firmly: No.

On day X, you forgot your cell phone at home. And I couldn’t contain my doubts anymore and took it. I opened your messages and read how you apologized to your co-worker for breaking down the last time you met. My heart started racing, and I couldn’t breathe. You had sex more than once. Maybe you wanted to revenge for the times I’ve had sex, working at the Escort Agency, but you said that’s ok, because is my job.

I opened your messages and read how you apologized to your co-worker for breaking down the last time you met

I kept scrolling. You wrote with a lot of girls. Chatting with a woman you met at college featured nude photos of you and intimate text saying I’d just left for work and you wished she’d come into bed with you now.

When you got home, all hell broke loose. That evening you confessed everything to me. There was another woman you had met several times. That night I lay crying in our bed, my head pounding from not comprehending the magnitude of things, and I threw up in a tour.

Days and weeks followed when you were gone because I couldn’t stand you. You went to your parents for a week or two. I was remotely controlled. I was on vacation because I quit my old job and got a new one closer to home so we could spend more time together.

Days and weeks followed when you were gone because I couldn’t stand you

When you came back, you had flowers with you. We talked. I wanted to know everything exactly. You seemed desperate and kept saying it was the mistake of your life. I tried to forgive you. I couldn’t bear the thought that ten years of a relationship should be over. I only told two of my friends about the incident. Nobody else.

I started a new job. I hated him. I didn’t get along with the boss and her way of working. In my free time, it was all about not losing you. I didn’t meet friends anymore, especially since one of your playmates was suddenly with my buddy and I couldn’t bear to see her. I hardly pursued my hobby and limited it to the bare essentials.

We did a lot. I had sex with you like a maniac. Constant. I gave it my all. At some point, I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. In my head, everything focuses on perseverance and overcoming. I tried to look ahead. I read tons of guides and blog articles on the subject. I thought your cheating would make us stronger. You bought a bigger car for future children together.

I had sex with you like a maniac. Constant. I gave it my all. You bought a bigger car for future children together

One day I found my grandma collapsed in her kitchen. Pulmonary embolism. She barely survived. I took her to the hospital and then visited her every day. I kept the family informed and took care of everything.

And then the unrest began. I could no longer concentrate on my work. I was constantly jittery. My heart was racing, sweating, my blood pressure was skyrocketing. It all became too much. The whole thing escalated into constant panic attacks. I only listened to myself, fearing that I was seriously ill, but no doctor could find a physical cause.

And then came the desperation and with it the fear

Afraid of dying, scared of going insane. I cried and cried. I didn’t want to go out, see anyone, let alone do anything. I took sick leave. And then came the desperation and with it the fear. Afraid of dying, scared of going insane. I cried and cried.

Life was becoming torture, and once, I caught myself thinking about what it would be like to walk out onto the street in front of the next bus. Then it would be over. When I realized what I was thinking, I was terrified. Afraid of myself. I was lost in my negative thoughts. I was desperately searching for the reason for my situation and getting more and more entangled in my self-loathing. I tore myself, my past, my family.

Eventually, I got so desperate that I sought professional help. I like the step: I discussed all the issues I felt were responsible for my unbearable life with my therapist. Some things in my life had made me profoundly insecure and for which I had no real explanation. The thing with you wasn’t one of those topics, though. She listened to my story. It was new to me that someone took me and my worries seriously and helped me to deal with them. Before that, in my life ruled this: “life is hard; you just have to grit your teeth”.

It was new to me that someone took me and my worries seriously and helped me to deal with them

Gradually, I was able to clarify some things for myself, had discussions with my family and had many emotional outbursts. You were by my side. I coped better with the panic attacks. Quit my hated job and found a new one. But despite everything, I walked around like a beaten dog.

At some point, I had the idea to start over. Of course, with you by my side. I told you about my plan. And you freaked out. You accused me of destroying your life and everything you had built here.

I did not understand the world anymore. I just wanted to move to the next town with you. Away from my family and old friends. Of course, that would have meant a smaller apartment and maybe a few other material losses, but the main thing was that we could start from scratch, without the shadow of the past that caused me to hide from everyone what had happened to us and therefore kept away from everyone.

One night I had a bad dream again. Since your cheating, I’ve had constant nightmares. Often, you would yell at me in my dreams, and I could never say anything because I had no voice. This time I dreamed that you cheated on me again. We were sitting in the garden with our friends, and I tried to explain everything somehow, but you didn’t say anything and just watched as if the whole thing didn’t concern you.

Take a deep breath

When I woke up, I felt like I was struck by lightning. I can not do this anymore! I cried on the way to work. I called on the toilet in the office and spent the break screaming in the park. I could hardly walk. My legs felt like I was going to collapse with every step. I called you and asked when you were coming home. I told my boss I felt sick and went home. I waited for you on the sofa. We both wanted to go to the Baltic Sea for a long weekend the next day.

When you entered the room, you immediately asked what was going on. “I can not do this anymore. I want to break up!” I said. You got angry immediately. You yelled at me that you had just gotten the ring and were going to propose to me on the Baltic Sea. “I can’t; I’m sorry,” I said. You cried. Then you stormed out of the apartment, and I ran outside crying.

You shattered me, yet I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in two years

In the evening I finally told my parents what had happened two years ago and my friends later. We shocked everyone, yet happy to know what was wrong with me eventually. A month later, you moved out. It all came so unexpectedly for you, you said. You said you wanted to marry me and start a family with me.

After three months, you had a new girlfriend.

No happy ending

I would now like to write about how great my life is today, five years later. I have found my true love and will be happy until the end of my life or that I live entirely in harmony with myself and am permanently satisfied. But unfortunately, that is not the case. Not your typical Hollywood happy ending. But I’m me again. I feel something again. I can laugh again, and I’m hopeful. I live!

Not your typical Hollywood happy ending. But I’m me again. I feel something again

After a specific recovery time, I threw myself into life. I met new people, went on vacation alone, renovated my apartment, started further education. I fell in love, and my heart broke again. I broke hearts, had affairs and attempted relationships, tinkered furiously, and cursed the app. I partied. I swam in the sea at midnight and gazed at the stars. I was riding a horse through the Icelandic countryside. I went canoeing with strangers and nearly died from my sore muscles afterwards.

1. I can train people now.
2. I continued to develop professionally.
3. I spoke my mind and stood up for myself.
4. I argued and made up.
5. I was alone and enjoyed it sometimes.
6. I was alone and felt lonely.
7. I was lovesick.
8. I was afraid of missing the connection and not finding anyone else.
9. I was afraid of not being able to start a family.
10. I wasn’t sure if I wanted that at all.
11. I lost my cat and found it again.
12. I asked friends for help and got it.
13. I screwed up and regretted it.

I was alone and enjoyed it sometimes. I was alone and felt lonely

I have no idea what’s going on, but I know it’s going on. And that’s good and makes me incredibly happy! Sometimes I’m sad and scared, I have doubts and worries, but these small moments come. In the beginning, they were tiny and short; little by little, they were getting bigger and longer—moments when I was happy.

Cheating was a massive thing for me; he threw me in the dirt and kicked me again and again. My life turned into a night. But as the saying goes: you can only see the stars in the dark. And eventually, the morning dawned.

The post Day X – betrayed by my first love first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

I have internalized “toxic relationship” or “toxic masculinity” as a narrative of my time and generation. But am I not responsible for the countless experiences I have had with emotionally unstable men and my exhausting work to make them aware of their feelings?

The enthusiastic vs the calm

I could have had the men, too, one or the other. Working with a popular Escort Service gave me confidence regarding men. The one who served me his affection on a silver platter openly said how much he thought of me and what plans he had in mind for me. And yes, these types of men should also be treated with caution because deeds do not always follow such words. However, I rarely tried at all.

My weakness was that quiet men didn’t push me up, and their introverted nature made me think I was at peace. Who didn’t need to be loud? But unfortunately, I was wrong very often. Because in the end, as I often had to find out, calm nature is just insecurity, and insecurity is just a mirror of inner turmoil.

My weakness was in quiet men, who didn’t push me up, and their introverted nature made me think I was at peace.

This brings us back to toxic behavior patterns. The adjective “toxic” means malignant, dangerous, harmful, and gruelling in the dictionary. Looking back, I can say: indeed.

In the fabulous film Maybe Tomorrow, the introverted protagonist asks his teacher, “Why do lovely people always choose the wrong ones?” His teacher replies, “We accept what we think we deserve.”

And yes, maybe it’s that simple. Isn’t it worth it if I don’t have to fight to make someone love me? What a self-destructive thought. But if we’re honest about looking at our behavior patterns, there’s a lot of truth.

In bed with the one who can’t commit

Recently, I asked myself these questions again while lying in bed and in the arms of a man who enjoyed the intimacy and togetherness with me but didn’t manage to commit himself after more than half a year with me. But one thing is new: he is neither calculating nor strategic or consciously procrastinating. He’s just waiting and, yes, undoubtedly anxious. And something else is new: I had to realize that I am too. The experiences of the last few years have made me hesitant and cerebral.

The experiences of the last few years have made me hesitant and cerebral.

I like our moments just for two. But the outside influence made me insecure. Friends who expected a commitment or at least an explanation of “what this is here”. Family members always talked about the “friend, so to speak”, and found it strange when they were told there was also an “in-between”.

“Aren’t you fooling yourself?” It was often said. Did I do that? I have to admit; I sometimes desire to get to know a man who will eventually (preferably not too late) recognize what I mean to him and tell me from the bottom of his heart and with full conviction, without these words after the next to be revised.

But what I keep putting aside in this thinking is myself and my point of view. I’m talking about wanting a man to reveal his feelings to me. But can I even return it myself?

I’m talking about wanting a man to reveal his feelings to me. But can I even return it myself?

Oh yes, I’ve loved it in the past. Selfless, self-sacrificing and with every fiber of my body. But the last great love and her loss changed me. You changed my view of love. It is no longer loud, shrill and expressionistic. She is expectant and cautious. Does that make her less accurate? I have learned that it is not advisable to strive for a love that can look into the other person’s soul without words and immediately know what they are feeling or thinking.

How arrogant are we to expect someone to understand us wordlessly, and if they don’t, what? Aren’t we meant for each other? That sounds a lot like blinders to me. A man who suits me must meet this criterion of the so-called “soul mate” (strangle)? One word: bullshit!

Our partners do not have to meet all their needs.

Isn’t it instead that we have people, friends, family members in our lives who all serve what we are passionate about in different ways? I share my taste in music with one friend, and I spend nights talking with one friend about true crime and nerdy reports. I go to handball with my dad, and I’m going on a long wellness weekend with one of my friends. If we still expect our partner to share everything with us, we are unfair and quite selfish.

If we still expect our partner to share everything with us, we are unfair and quite selfish

And so here I am again in the arms of a man who’s not sure about me, and I’m not sure about him. A man who doesn’t share so many of my interests. For whom I have sincere affection but no deep love. And I ask myself, “Is that enough?” One answer: Yes!

We should move more away from established patterns or other people’s opinions of how a relationship between two people should be. We shouldn’t just project the notion of soulmates onto one person, and we should learn that love can be silent.

Six months hoping for a sign of life from you – and then suddenly you were back.

It’s not that long ago. Or is it? Relative. However, since this year seems to have passed me in seconds anyway, it may not have been that long ago. In any case, the feeling is still as present in me today as if it were yesterday.

I’ve waited for months. I placed countless orders with the universe, so I hoped for credit that I would not be able to pay back until the end of my life.

Suddenly you were there again

And then, six months later, the day came. Six months after, you just walked out of my life without a word after turning it upside down so much. Your black hair, brown eyes, and manner were so different from all the rest.

When I saw your little picture on my small screen, I was so shocked that I had to put my phone down. I couldn’t read your words until a few hours later. I needed the time to run around my apartment in confusion and stare at the wall.

When I saw your little picture on my small screen, I was so shocked that I had to put my phone down.

Naturally. From today’s point of view, I can no longer gain anything from what you said back then. As if they could only be read with special glasses that I can no longer find. But back then, they were exactly what I was waiting for. Six months Every week. Every day. Every minute.

Six months, not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you. When I didn’t wonder where you are and especially with whom. Are you okay? And whether you sometimes sit in front of a gin and tonic and I touch your thoughts for fractions of a second. I shed so many tears for you, which I then had to use to wipe up all the mess you made inside me.

Six months, not a day has gone by that I hadn’t thought of you when I didn’t wonder where you are, especially with whom.

You’re back. You are close again. It’s you again. Finally, you can give me the answers to the questions that have been pounding against the inside of my head day after day. But when we see each other, they hardly play a role anymore. The answers to the questions are no longer critical. I accept it, but it doesn’t matter what you say. You’re back. Finally.

Is it all just a mistake?

A mistake. I should not have just accepted your answers; I should have dissected them microscopically, examined their substance and placed them in a petri dish to see what mold grows out of them. Then I might have noticed that you’re back, but I’m not. What was important was not what happened six months ago but the six months themselves.

Because: This time, too, your words were nothing more than euphemisms for the reality that I didn’t want to see. For your authentic self, which was unknown to me until then. That could only be guessed at in these six months of your absence.

Again, your words were nothing more than euphemisms for the reality I didn’t want to see. For the real you.

You knew how much you attracted me. You knew what to say, so I’m back on your couch a few hours later. I wanted so much the big happy ending, the plot twist, the little miracle. Instead, just a few days later, reality hit me in the head with a hammer: Zack, laceration.

I decided to sew up the wound myself without much fanfare. Of course, there were days when the scar still hurt. It may have cracked open now and then and bled a slight distrust and hopelessness. But she heals. Not perfect, but solid.

Finally no more words for you

And now. Now another six months have passed. There were only sporadic moments when I was in my archived chats and paused briefly at your picture. I have nothing more to say to you. Finally, there are no more words I want to devote to you. There is nothing more I want to save to you, not a single spark of energy, not a second of my time. You showed me everything I needed to know, even if your words tried to prove otherwise until the end.

There it is. Suddenly, your picture is not in the archived chats but on my home screen. There are the exact words that I’ve read from you so many times, just in a different, random order. There is an attempt to put on the mask of the person I met exactly a year ago. But – your show has cracked. More than that. She’s hanging in tatters from your face, so I can’t even see her anymore.

There are the exact words that I’ve read from you so many times, just in a different, random order.

I only recognize your natural face. The face I no longer want in my life. That hurt me tremendously and abused my trust. That showed me that you should be careful with your wishes.

Or maybe yes?

Or am I just exaggerating? Is there just a misunderstanding between us that your character isn’t as repulsive and pathetic as I’ve been making it out for the past few months? Did we perceive our connection from entirely different perspectives? Do you not have the empathy to realize that you haven’t treated me well?

Those are probably the only questions that are still in my head today. I kept quiet this time. The fact that my allotment of words to you has been used up doesn’t seem to have changed. But I still have a few thoughts. Free refill.

Two beauty tricks to apply every morning

1. Ice

On mornings when you feel overly tired, all you have to do is drive to the fridge. Take some ice, wrap it in a paper towel, wait a few seconds for moisture to penetrate the towel, then gently rub your face with it to close your pores and revitalize your skin. Or you can fill the entire sink with cold water, ice cubes and pieces of cucumber, and then dip your face in it. Another option would be to use green tea in ice cubes instead of plain water for an antioxidant effect and extra shine.

2. Spoons for the eye area

This trick again involves a trip to the fridge. You should have cooled two tablespoons there, which you will take and place over your eyes. The cold will help you get rid of swollen eyes in just a few seconds.

The post About pressure and hope in relationships first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

3 Days of radio silence. Whole three days. The last of my messages to you also ended with a question mark.

Who does not know that? Miscommunication or a complete lack of communication between people?

My head almost explodes with thoughts. How is it that my state of mind depends so much on an answer from YOU? It almost sounds pathetic – I would be happy with just two words. Better than no news at all.

I’m sitting there staring out the window, my phone on the desk next to me. The phone just won’t vibrate. And if I do, I immediately stop what I’m doing and my heart skips a beat: It was one of my friends who just sent a photo of a cat to our WhatsApp group again.

The reason so many escort girls wish for the daily message, and if it’s just a “Hi, how are you?” or a picture of you fishing, is that we have an illness that is compounded by absence and radio silence: overthinking.

I want to get out of the merry-go-round of thoughts, into self-confidence, and above all into trust in life. No matter how difficult it is in this crazy world

The speed of the thought circles that we experience without a sign of life from the partner/friend/lover (m/f/d) increases exponentially. Imagine a bouncy ball that first falls to the ground in a high arc and then makes very small, fast hops before it comes to a standstill.

The longer it’s been a sign of life, the faster we’re approaching the rapid bouncy ground motion where none of us can guarantee our mental leaps from jealousy to imagining your death in a horrific accident. After we’re the last to know because your mother has never heard our name, even though we’ve been sleeping together for several years, all this years I’ve been working with a popular Escort Service.

Feelings and perceptions

Which feelings I observe, which arise one after the other or sometimes simultaneously with me in this state:

The fear of not being enough and being abandoned again.

The anger – I’m angry with myself because I think if I honestly say how I feel I’ll destroy my most important relationships. And you, you ass, because you must know that I’m longingly waiting for your answer and your silence leaves my unanswered questions hanging in the air.

I find my suppressed anger blocking love and creativity and I get lost in this nerve-wracking mental turmoil.

Fainting – feels like a dead end. I can’t force other people to behave the way I want them to.

Three days after your last message I was sure you would never come back. You’ve met your childhood sweetheart again, made new business contacts, and just stayed

The last time this carousel started turning for me, we were in two different countries. You only wanted to stay for one week, one became two and two ended up being three. Of course, I didn’t ask why, and I figured out my own stories in the meantime. Three days after your last message I was sure you would never come back. You’ve met your childhood sweetheart again, made new business contacts, and just stayed. It was nice. Thanks. Goodbye.

How stupid not to just ask what’s going on and what the reasons are that are keeping you. If we don’t share our feelings, our relationships will inevitably suffer.

Don’t be cool, aloof, and show no reaction – instead, honestly say that I was so looking forward to seeing you again.

Sometimes there are simple reasons for the radio silence

And then you call. Your voice on the phone is almost shaking and I know you were crying. Your cat, which you got when you were a little boy, lived with your mum for years – who also send me greetings. She was sick and died in your arms tonight. Anyone who owns pets knows how heartbreaking their death is.

What I’ve learned is that it’s ok to have those feelings, even though I think I need to be more enlightened and act like a little girl. I speak out when I’m angry. When you do this for the first time, it feels a bit like an emotional bomb going off. Mainly because the behavior is in such contrast to previous politeness.

The next time the anger outbursts, the bombshell becomes New Year’s Eve crackers and the anger can even become the source of creative energy. It also helps to change perspective when you are unconscious. Maybe it’s not a dead-end, but the path to what I need and not what I want.

So I’ve decided to be more patient and calm. That’s not repression, it’s self-care

So I’ve decided to be more patient and calm. To distance ourselves from the smartphone, from the news and distractions that also make us constantly lose our heads. That’s not repression, it’s self-care. Just letting you be you, and me too. “Stay a few more days. Take your time.”, I say, “See you soon.”

Daydreaming – a nice pastime or a complete waste of time?

It’s 7:40 a.m. on a typical weekday. I drive my car to work, listen to my favorite song playlist on Spotify, and sing along sometimes out loud and sometimes just in my head. I already know the track inside out. This allows me to wander in my mind. And as so often, you come to mind, but only on certain songs. You’d think it would be ours. But they aren’t, because we’ve never heard them together.

I think to myself conversations that we lead to it. How we lead them and what we say. The way you look at me like I’m the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. Of course, this is all just the fruit of my imagination, in other words: a beautiful daydream that will never come true.

Dreamy Conversations

I replay the few short conversations we’ve had in real life in my head until I have the perfect answers to your questions. As if you could take back what has already been saying and replace it with something better. Pure wishful thinking, of course.

Every time I see you my heart skips a beat and the only question I want to ask you is: do you feel the same way? Don’t have the courage and be too scared of your answer as it won’t be the one I picture in my head almost every day.

The question I then have for myself is: What does it bring me? Nothing, but one thing is certain: it does more harm than good. I get my hopes up for no reason and disappoint myself, so to speak. But in one moment it seems as if it were real – and I think that’s nice. I can’t stop, the urge to think of you only decreases from time to time, but it doesn’t go away completely.

The bitter reality

When we meet, which is a rarity, nervousness takes over, hot flashes follow, and my mouth can’t get a proper sentence out. Do you notice that? How can you not notice that? Even Facebook suggests you as a friend. Well, that’s probably from typing you into what feels like 100 times in the search box. The last time you visited me at work, you said you would like to come to my place. My answer was very perplexed: Yes, that’s fine. What kind of answer is that?

According to one of your emails, you want to buy me a coffee. I’m still waiting for it though – probably in vain. Why would you buy me a coffee too? You have a girlfriend, according to my research – and I have a boyfriend.

You probably just wanted to be nice to me and maybe flirt a little, that’s all

And now I just feel stupid. You probably just wanted to be nice to me and maybe flirt a little, that’s all. And I fool think the rest of it. But despite everything, I hope that you will come through the door at any moment and ask me for a coffee. One can probably still daydream.

How grief, worries, and arguments attack our love – and why I’m still optimistic

While I was recently happy that we had cracked my holy grail of relationship tasks – not to deliberately throw hurtful things at each other – precisely that little cynical supporting role crept into our everyday life under confidence and arrogance. She whispered to us, gave me the stamp “controlled” and you the nickname “ruthless” and took over the beautiful white sheet on which we were lying in innocence.

At the kitchen table, you started the battle by throwing little nasty provocations around you, blinking over your bun. But maybe it was me who started to write sharp-tongued texts to throw you off balance.

There is drama in the routine

Of course, we’ve been together a little longer now, have left the first passionate wave behind us, in which little more was needed than our togetherness and some sunshine. If the latter stays away in the cloudy autumn, we look for other topics than the loving description of my green eyes and your long fingers in all their details.

Instead, we’re now making vengeful plans to smother each other’s latest conflict, quietly, as we sip tea and candlelight covers your blond lash line.

I flash you mischievously from the side and consider whether it is important to me to win or to get into bed in harmony. Both, nothing, everything, sometimes like this, sometimes like that.

The other day we were arguing from funny to cheeky after seemingly harmlessly rocking each other. I sat half bent, half kneeling in front of you, you groaning, swaying, threatening in front of me. This time I went too far and built a framework of uncharming truths that you clung to, threatened to fall, and yelled: “Stop!”

I understood we had been hooking up for the first time in months and a mixture of sadness, concern, and anger at our inconsistency (not being the best couple on the planet at everything) I was so desperate that I dared to go to bed without reconciliation.

The next morning, if not in the pitch night, we vowed to get better

We received the bill for this in the form of a restless night. I turned, you turned, we were both exhausted from each other – without each other. The next morning, if not in the pitch night, we vowed to get better.

In stillness lies strength… or is it agony?

Unfortunately, we should continue to torment ourselves in the following weeks. We outlined topics: this pandemic, the political situation, our family situation, and shortcomings that were neither fun nor helpful through the dreary autumn. They only drew us deeper into despair and melancholy.

Everything was better before. Where has ours gone before?

Everything was better before. Where has ours gone before? Again this miserable kitchen table, again far from a love oath. Now there was only you, me, and the next opportunity to spit deep into each other’s souls.

But it was our last conflict that made me understand after three nasty weeks that it wasn’t us as a couple who were incapable, but the circumstances were getting harder and harder. The dark days, the heavy work, this ridiculous, never-ending illness. we are exhausted we are tired We are at our worst.

We are at our worst.

The current solution requires us to distance ourselves a little. Missing each other again and breathing deeply. It is always said that there is strength in stillness. We had been so stormy with each other, now each of us lacked energy.

Our way out of this dilemma: we take three steps back. Get out of this everyday life that no one wanted to have for free. Take the pressure off of hauling each other through this phase. Rather a few moments without each other that promise that I can look forward to seeing you again. That we feel like us again.

And so I already miss you after seven silent hours and want to tell you the world. But I also enjoy that feeling because it seemed endangered for a little while. But it is not. My grail is still brimming with optimism.

The post About overthinking, daydreaming and grief first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

An old phrase is known that the escort girl loves the one who conquers her (and it is not far from reality). Research shows that women, in fact, often show a higher degree of sexual attraction than men with a reputation as warriors, as well as leaders and the military. In some societies, military men in uniform are perceived as having a higher sex appeal than those in ordinary attire.

The sex appeal of the military uniform

From the point of view of evolutionary psychology, we understand that women’s preference for “warrior” men and the sex appeal of military uniforms are reminiscent of escort girl’s, working with our Escort Service, ancestral choices for men of high social status (resource holders); from the days when the hierarchical position was directly dependent on the skills of a warrior and was associated with aggressive behavior. Since then, the emblem of “warrior man”, who has control and has a combative and imposing behavior, has been part of a strategy that benefits men in their relations with the opposite sex.

A study of evolutionary psychology published in 2015 in the scientific journal Evolution and Human Behavior showed that women primarily prefer those men who have manifested themselves heroically on the battlefield, while any other kind of heroism (in emergency interventions, sports, or business) is not so appreciated. It was also found that the veterans of World War II who had been decorated for courage had an average of 3.18 children, more than ordinary veterans, whose average number of descendants is 2.72.

Heroism in battle is an indication of high physical quality, and the bravest fighters later benefited from sexual favors. Other curious aspects of admiration for male strength mark the psychology of sexual relations in our time.

Bold men are more attractive to women than shy men

It is known that young men who behave modestly, seem pleasant, selfish, and fearful are in some respects disadvantaged in sexual relations. On the contrary, the manipulative, arrogant, cunning, self-confident, who play hyper-masculine roles, have more sexual experiences and more partners.

These effects are due to the stupidity with which these men act and the fact that women prefer this kind of men, with a more imposing behavior. Various studies have shown that men perceived as having a dominant status and a strong character are more attractive to women than those who are submissive and shy.

At the same time, men gain more prestige and are more attractive to women when they show dominance and hostility toward rivals (for example, toward members of a foreign sports team), not toward peers or those around them.

Fifteen exciting things you will learn from our blog

In the perspective of a long-term romantic relationship, in the view of marriage, the unleashed interpersonal aggression of a man could diminish women’s interest (for fear of not being aggressively dominated by themselves).

So, assertive dominance and masculinity are advantageous for short-term conquests and courtship strategies, but prestige (usually associated with social status wealth, but which may include prosocial behavior, empathy, intelligence, and generosity) will impact long-term.

Other studies have shown that women’s view of male aggression increases the attractiveness of male faces and voices. Still, male-female aggression reduces the beauty of masculine features (women feel threatened by overly dominant men).

Four dimensions of women’s preferences for men

Evolutionary psychologists David Buss and Todd Shackelford identified four dimensions of women’s male preferences:

1. Have good genes (masculine men, physically attractive, with sex appeal);
2. To be able to make investments (rich men, with high financial income, educated, with career);
3. Be good parents (men who are dedicated to family, children, are emotionally stable);
4. To be lovers (sentimental men, attached, tender).

The more physically attractive a woman perceives herself, the greater the demands; she will try to find a partner who meets as many of these qualities as possible, or even all of them. In general, depending on the circumstances, women may adopt a mixed strategy, engaging in long-term relationships with one partner and possibly short-term relationships with other partners who have other attractive traits, such as sex appeal.

Women prefer parental types for long-term relationships and tough guys for short-term relationships

Another study, conducted on 1,365 women in 11 countries between the ages of 14 and 68, showed the same behavioral pattern: women prefer parental types for long-term relationships and hard guys, “bastards,” for short-term relationships.

Preferences also vary with age: the younger the women, the higher the availability for a short-term relationship. This effect of age is perfectly explicable if we consider that young women are more fertile and are unconsciously more prone to a relationship with an attractive man with good eyelashes. For older women, the priority is safety and the degree of supply of resources for themselves and their children.

These strategies have evolved over hundreds of thousands and millions of years, still in our hominid predecessors. And women today are born with a brain that maintains archaic behavioral patterns.

Overall, throughout human evolution, dominant individuals have been favored in reproductive competition, and today there are broad categories of women who prefer “alpha males” with an assertive and sexist approach. In general, numerous studies in recent decades have revealed women’s penchant for short-term relationships.

Women’s sexual preferences are primarily geared towards dominant men, and even if they have a stable partner, they can venture into fleeting relationships. The desire for short-term relationships is more pronounced in the days of maximum menstrual cycle fertility (ovulatory shift hypothesis). Men with traits that indicate a high genetic quality are favored. Women who consider themselves more attractive prefer men with a lower, more masculine, dominant voice.

Women are sexually attached to those masculine faces that are both inspiring and fearful

In regions where the epidemic is more dangerous, where the population is more vulnerable to disease, men with masculine facial features are more attractive to women than women with effeminate faces because masculinity correlates with testosterone, with high resistance to infections. Also preferred are guys with more masculine faces, associated with greater physical strength, and therefore with better eyelashes. The more unstable and challenging living conditions are, the more accentuated these preferences are.

Research based on women’s brain scans has shown that they are sexually attracted to those male faces that inspire fear and danger. Interestingly, women are attracted to the masculine scent, the dominant behavior, and the imposing physical features, especially when they are in the period of maximum fertility of the menstrual cycle. It speaks to women’s unconscious, an instinctual preference for dominant and virile men.

In another study, 1212 women’s preferences for returning soldiers were assessed. It was found that those soldiers who had demonstrated a higher degree of aggression on the battlefield (appetitive aggression) were more preferred for scrutiny relationships and were attractive, especially for women in the fertile days of the menstrual cycle. So here is another proof that dominance and aggression are associated with individuals’ genetic quality.

Men who look shy are more attractive to women in the infertile period of the menstrual cycle

In the same category is the observation that men who look shy (display this non-verbally) are more attractive to women in the infertile period of the menstrual cycle and less attractive to women with a high chance of getting pregnant. This is what the results among North American women show. Women in India are even less attracted to shy men.

These observations suggest that shy men are perceived as being less genetically gifted on an unconscious level, but men’s preferences are partially socio-culturally influenced. However, the choice dictated by social norms and emotional and rational attachment may take precedence over instinctual impulses dictated by genetic advantage.

The social context matters a lot

The startling case discovered in a Baltimore prison in 2014, where four women guardsmen became pregnant by a detainee, an undercover leader named Tavo White, illustrates, albeit in an anecdotal form, the phenomenon of the attraction of dominant men. But let us remember that other criminals, some notorious assassins, also enjoyed women’s attention while behind bars, being assaulted with love letters and other signs of adoration.

That’s probably why we shouldn’t be surprised to find out that the dreaded No. 1 terrorist in the world, Osama bin Laden, was considered sexy, and not a few women confessed that they imagined him in their fantasies. He embodied a prehistoric person, brutal, brave, intuitive to some women. Others found his spiritual side appealing, the mystery surrounding him, the fact that he had a cause to fight for.

Osamafilia was noticed among women in the Middle East and women in Western countries, among Americans, for whom this terrorist was to be the number one enemy.

According to psychiatrist Justin Frank, a professor at George Washington Medical Center, it is quite possible that women who adore Osama bin Laden had a despotic, dominant father. They now long for a similar relationship to feel a dose of fear. Other experts point to the strange attraction of women to tough, misogynistic guys, especially if they are talked about on TV and are somehow popular.

The Dark Triad: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy

In psychology, the term Dark Triad is used to describe a category of men who tend to behave violently and dominantly. The Dark Triad includes three sub-clinical features: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

These men are complacent, selfish and overconfident, unscrupulously manipulated and exploited, impulsive and empathetic, stupid and possessive in sexual relationships, and have sadistic inclinations. Paradoxically, many women love such men.

They are the conquering and profiting don Juan. By the way, the Spanish playwright who wrote the play about the legendary Don Juan illustrated the adventures of an Andalusian landowner who spent his time making plans to deflower women, taking care not to get caught and punished.

Don Juan was and is a symbol of the selfishness of the man who seeks to exploit women, conquer them sexually, then abandon them. However, despite their reputation, many women dream of an affair with a Don Juan.

How can the lightning success of the novel “Fifty Shades of Gray” be explained?

Some women have fantasies about brutal sex, including rape. The international success of the novel “Fifty Shades of Gray” by E.L. James is mainly because he explores the erotic fantasies of women eager for unconventional sex with sadistic elements.

By the way, it has been found that many young readers of this book remain influenced by the messages conveyed by the novel; they adopt an unhealthy lifestyle, some of them are more willing to consume alcohol, show promiscuous behavior (they are looking for more sexual adventures).

Studies show that some categories of women show an increased attraction to sex with elements of sadomasochism, which involves scenes of dominance and submission (BDSM), and this desire does not reflect any biological or neurological dysfunction.

Natural selection favored the formation of masculine warrior

In conclusion, we understand that natural selection favored the formation of masculine warrior traits that benefited the most combative in each generation because they could acquire more women. Still, it also selected women who preferred warrior men because they obtained access to more resources to raise their children. There has been a mutual reinforcement of these strategies at the genetic level, and they have become typical of human ethology.

Perhaps this instinctive preference for authoritarian, combative men keeps many women from abusing violent spouses and explains forced sex fantasies. There are testimonies of rape victims who claimed to have had an orgasm during sexual intercourse (various sources indicate a rate ranging from 5% -10% to 50% of women who confessed to orgasms).

A study of 611 hospitalized women in Toronto, Canada, found that nearly 43% had been physically and especially verbally abused at home in the past year. Still, more than half (54%) said they would remain next to the aggressor spouses. The reason is the feeling of security that these women experience with their husbands.

The post Why bad guys attract more women first appeared on Platinum Escorts.

The most popular form of CBD is concentrated oil. Escort girls are confident that this product will help them solve all their health problems, but is CBD able to offer all these benefits, or is the reality a little different? Find out more about this topic in today’s article.

What is CBD, and how is it obtained?

CBD, or cannabidiol, comes from the plant called cannabis Sativa and is famous for its high content of active compounds, led by THC, which is the best known of these. These substances are generally called cannabinoids, and CBD is the second most potent cannabinoid in cannabis. However, unlike THC, it has no psychoactive effects and, according to current knowledge, is not addictive. Its properties are more likely to be associated with therapeutic purposes and are especially helpful in reducing the sensation of pain, symptoms of depression or anxiety, and sleep disturbances for the sexy escort girls who work for our Escort Agency.

National medical authorities regulate CBD use. Thus, each country may have a slightly different approach to using this substance. However, the standard is using an industrial hemp extract with a minimum THC content of 0.2-0.3% in commercially available products. This is ideally in accordance with local laws, and therefore, you do not have to worry about the effects of THC.

What are the effects of CBD on the human body?

The significantly growing interest in CBD began when people were beginning to talk about its positive effects in the treatment of childhood epilepsy. This started a wave of studies, tests, and research for more uses of this substance in the next few years. Thus, CBD relieves pain, inflammation, multiple sclerosis, and epilepsy, among the areas explored. Although the results of these studies seem promising, they are not yet sufficient to confirm 100% of their effectiveness. Scientists still need answers to questions about proper dosing or its long-term effects.

When experts looked for answers to what lies behind the remarkable properties of CBD, they found that it may be related to the brain’s endocannabinoid system. It consists of several receptors that have been shown to improve mood metabolism (fat breakdown), relieve pain, or support the function of the immune system. You can also increase the activity of these receptors through exercise or cold water therapy. The endocannabinoid system was first described recently (1992), and its effects are still being investigated. However, from the information already available, it can be deduced that it is closely linked to human health and general well-being.

What are the effects of CBD?

The health effects of CBD consumption have begun to be studied more intensively in recent years. Therefore, there are few studies on humans that confirm its effects. Those that have already taken place have shown promising results in reducing pain, treating anxiety, depression, inflammatory diseases, epilepsy, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s disease, and sleep disorders. In order to reliably confirm the efficacy of CBD in the light of evidence-based medicine, further studies and detailed research are needed. What effect does CBD have on consumers of this substance? Due to the high popularity of cannabidiol, there is already a relatively solid database of consumer experiences.

What to expect from cannabidiol use?

• a greater sense of calm and relaxation
• reduces the sensation of pain
• better sleep
• reduces the symptoms of depression and anxiety
• better concentration and memory
• greater relaxation of muscle mass
• high energy levels
• greater self-confidence

Five areas of life on which CBD can have a positive effect

Due to its properties, CBD can be helpful in a number of conditions and can positively influence and improve various areas of daily life. Why is CBD the most commonly used, and what is the science behind this substance?

1. Improves sleep quality

Sleep problems can significantly reduce your quality of life, and people who suffer from such problems can confirm this. They are often looking for ways to prevent them and get better quality sleep. Thus, CBD can be beneficial in this regard. Specifically, current knowledge shows that this substance has an effect on the regulation of the sleep-wake cycle through the endocannabinoid system, and the effect itself is often determined by the dose administered. Smaller amounts of CBD generally have a stimulating effect, while higher doses have the effect of calming and helping people fall asleep.

According to studies on this topic, CBD can be helpful in problems with insomnia or excessive daytime sleepiness. In one study, patients with insomnia took 160 mg of CBD a day. This has led to longer, more restful, and generally better quality sleep.

Interesting results also emerged from a study that examined the effect of CBD in patients with anxiety and sleep problems. A daily dose of 25 mg of CBD capsules for one month resulted in 79% of subjects experiencing improved anxiety symptoms, and 66% of subjects confirmed improved sleep quality. However, CBD has had more sustained and stable results in addressing anxiety symptoms in the long run.

2. Psychological health

Impaired mental health has a negative impact on daily life and functioning in society. According to studies, CBD could be helpful in this regard as well. CBD has produced exciting results in human studies in patients with social phobia or post-traumatic stress disorder. In animals, this substance has been shown to reduce the symptoms of stress and anxiety.

The results of known scientific work to date suggest that CBD may have a positive effect after long-term use (see studies on anxiety and sleep above) and after a single administration. This was confirmed, for example, in a study involving patients with social phobia. They were given a dose of 600 mg CBD an hour and a half before going out in public. Compared to placebo treatment, they showed fewer anxiety symptoms and minor psychological discomfort.

The mechanism of action behind the effect of CBD on the psyche is not yet fully understood. Still, one hypothesis is that this substance has an impact on the activity of the hormone serotonin. This helps regulate the mood, and its deficiency is associated with depression and anxiety.

3. Reduces the sensation of pain

Reducing the sensation of pain is one of the most common reasons for consuming CBD or other cannabinoid products with analgesic effects. There are currently a number of approved CBD-containing medicines in some countries that are prescribed to people suffering from pain. For example, they are used by people with joint disease, neuralgia, migraines, or cancer.

Unfortunately, scientists have not yet discovered exactly what is behind the effects of CBD in reducing pain. Still, its ability to bind to the endocannabinoid system appears to play an essential role in this regard. One study found that the activity of a certain endocannabinoid, namely anandamide, may be enhanced by CBD. This has been associated with reducing pain and improving mood and well-being. Recent research also suggests that this substance may not reduce the pain itself but may make it more bearable. Thus, the latter can trigger an anti-inflammatory response and can combat pain.

4. Supports brain function

In recent years, CBD has been added to beverages, bars, or tablets that promise better concentration and overall development of brain function, but what does all this mean? According to research, CBD impacts the activity of the neurotransmitters glutamate and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). Their optimal levels in the body are significant for improving memory and learning function.

Changes in brain activity have also been observed in studies of healthy people and patients with mental illness. In both cases, the researchers found an effect on brain parts related to cognitive processes (attention, memory, information processing).

The beneficial effects of CBD on brain function may also be due to its neuroprotective effects. This substance can act as a protection for nerve cells from damage and aging. Therefore, it has promising potential in ameliorating diseases such as Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s. CBD is currently used in a rare type of childhood epilepsy.

5. Better regeneration after workouts

CBD oils and other products containing this substance are also growing among athletes. They are often looking for ways to maximize their body’s regenerative capacity and athletic performance. CBD has been most helpful in this regard due to its positive effect on sleep quality, which is essential in physical recovery. Another important aspect is its anti-inflammatory properties. Studies have shown that this substance can reduce muscle pain caused by exertion.

In one study, researchers compared the effect of MCT oil alone and MCT oil enriched with 16 mg of CBD on muscle pain after training ( DOMS  – Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness). After exercise, athletes who received CBD oil noticed decreased pain in 24, 48, and 72 hours than the group that received pure MCT oil. In practice, this could speed up the timing of the following workout without experiencing unpleasant pain or muscle stiffness, including DOMS. According to the study’s authors, the exact mechanism behind these results is not entirely clear.

A better recovery will increase, among other things, sports performance and prevent injuries. In case of injury, CBD can help treat inflammation, pain, and other uncomfortable symptoms. Active people can benefit from cannabidiol consumption and support their mental health and brain function, just as crucial for quality sports performance as solid muscle mass.

How is CBD used?

You can find a multitude of products containing cannabidiol in the category of health or sports nutrition. For example, you can buy a CBD drink, a protein bar, or jellies, which are part of the latest products from CBD manufacturers. However, the CBD content of these products is often low. Therefore, CBD oils with usually higher concentrations of active ingredients are preferable.

You can find oils with different ingredients and percentage amounts of CBD (most commonly between 5-15%). The amount of CBD in the oil increases naturally with the percentage. In addition to hemp extract, such products often contain coconut oil or MCT oil. This allows a faster absorption rate due to their molecular structure. Some contain broad-spectrum CBD (full spectrum), others contain CBD isolate. The difference between the two is that the broad spectrum is a source of other cannabinoids and antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals in the cannabis plant. Thus, it has a more complex nutritional profile compared to the isolate.

CBD oil is most often applied using a drop directly under the tongue. In this way, the active substances enter the blood almost immediately.

What is the recommended dose of CBD?

The official recommended daily dose for CBD has not yet been established. In some studies, the doses investigated vary considerably, from amounts less than 5 mg to doses greater than 600 mg. However, it is generally recommended that you gradually increase your CBD dose. Before using cannabidiol-containing products, read the manufacturer’s instructions on the package. If you are taking medicines, you should consult your doctor regarding the use of CBD, as this substance may interfere with the effects of medicines used to treat epilepsy.

Is CBD safe to eat?

Studies on CBD use did not find recurring or severe side effects. Also, a review published by the World Health Organization (WHO) on CBD states that there is currently no evidence of health risks associated with using this substance. However, if you suffer from any medical condition, it is advisable to consult your doctor before consuming CBD.

What is the conclusion?

According to current knowledge, CBD is a substance with great potential. Although its effects are still being explored, research on CBD has already yielded interesting results. Thus, this substance can help to improve the quality of sleep, manage stress, relieve pain or, for example, speed up the body’s recovery . Unlike THC, cannabidiol has no psychoactive or hallucinogenic effects. It is most commonly used in the form of broad-spectrum CBD oils, which contain other essential substances from the cannabis plant. Therefore, anyone can safely experience the effects of CBD.

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In today’s article, we will explain what happens in your body when stress appears, how stress manifests itself, what consequences it can have and what can you do to reduce harmful stress as much as possible.

What happens in the body when we stress?

At the beginning of each stress response, whether positive or negative, there is a so-called stress factor or trigger. It can be, for example, a sad memory, a specific event in life or pain. The phenomenon, which then occurs in the body, begins at the center of behavioral inhibition, of which certain parts are responsible for the reaction. In collaboration with the “memory bank”, it will then assess the degree of danger of this situation. If the body considers this situation threatening, it initiates the alarm phase.

If you feel stressed before a date with one of the beautiful escort girls, working with our Escort Service, remember the tips from this article!

Gradually, norepinephrine activates the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system, which acts on the adrenal medulla. Then start to release adrenaline and noradrenaline into the blood. Most cells in the body contain receptors that act on both adrenaline and noradrenaline, causing the manifestation of known symptoms of stress.

Other symptoms of long-term stress:

• increase in blood pressure
• increase heart rate
• increase breathing intensity
• sweat
• goosebumps
• pupil dilation

Cortisol (“stress hormone“) and glucocorticoids are also produced in a stressful situations. Their short-term effect is beneficial, but increasing their long-term levels can damage the body, such as loss of muscle mass, impaired glucose metabolism, weakened immune system, loss of neurons, faster death of brain cells or the development of tumors.

Other symptoms of long-term stress:

• Irascibility
• fatigue
• headache
• affected concentration
• sleep problems
• digestive problems
• changes in appetite
• loss of libido
• nervousness
• frequent occurrence of diseases
• low self-confidence

Now you know that you don’t want to face long-term stress. But it is straightforward to say, “Get rid of stress.” But how do you do that? In today’s article, we’ll try to give you some tips that can help you minimize stress to a tolerable level that won’t negatively impact your body. Let’s see what this is about.

1. Do sports

The World Health Organization recommended that you dedicate 150 minutes a week to a medium-intensity activity or 75 minutes to high-intensity activity. Exercise undoubtedly has an impact not only on physical health but also on mental health. This is evident, for example, from the results of a study in which researchers focused on 682 recreational athletes. They found that those who followed the general exercise recommendations felt less anxiety and stress, and their overall quality of life improved.

If you exercise regularly, you are undoubtedly familiar with the feeling of euphoria after, when endorphins or hormones of happiness are released in the body, you are in a good mood, the problems suddenly seem much more bearable. You have been out for a while. Remember the things that were stressing you out. Therefore, try to include a sports activity that you enjoy several times a week in your weekly schedule. Does Yoga Help You Calm Down? Practice yoga.

Do you have to work hard and sweat to get rid of stress? Try running or HIIT workouts. And if lifting weights makes you feel good, then practice strength training. Nowhere does it say which sport is best for reducing stress. You are different, and everyone knows best what activity makes you feel better. And that’s precisely what you should do to reduce stress.

How to reduce stress through sports

Please note that the saying “the more, the better” may not apply in this case. Paradoxically, if you do too much exercise, your stress level may increase. So keep in mind that you should do all your activities in moderation and allow your body to rest and regenerate. For example, a simple walk in nature can help reduce stress; you do not need to sweat excessively every day. If you exercise regularly, your sleep quality also improves, affecting your stress hormone levels.

2. Write down how you feel

If you tell someone close to you about stressful things, you will feel relieved. But how do you deal with stressful issues but don’t want anyone to know about them? The solution may be to put your feelings in a diary. It would be ideal to put all your thoughts together to take refuge in a quiet room. The writing process itself can have calming effects.

Turning feelings into a diary can become a familiar ritual. You don’t just have to write down what’s bothering you. You can create a pleasant atmosphere in the room in the morning or the evening and spend some time writing.

Write also about the days when something pleasant happened to you, write down the things you are grateful for, what makes you happy, what you look forward to, and so on. Remember that you did not feel well often, but you always coped. Then, when you have a bad day, which is stressful, try to stop for a moment and flip through the older pages of the journal. At the same time, you will realize that many things make you happy and be grateful for, which can help you reduce stress. The results of a study evidenced that grateful people have better mental health, lower stress levels and a better quality of life.

3. Listen to music

Music accompanies you in almost every situation in life; whether you are sad or in a good mood, there is always a song you can hum on a particular occasion. But you may not know that there is music to relieve stress. Don’t worry; it’s not an esoteric method; there are scientific discoveries. Studies have shown that relaxing music helps lower blood pressure, heart rate and stress hormone levels, calming the whole body.

Classical, Celtic, Native American or Indian music can have a calming effect. If you don’t like these genres,  your favorite playlist can serve the same purpose. It’s up to you whether you want to listen to slower songs to calm down or more alert rhythms to help you get emotionally drained. Both methods will reduce stress.

4. Spend time with your loved ones

If you are alone in the fight against stress, it will be worse than being with your loved ones. The study results showed that, especially for women, oxytocin (an anti-stress hormone) is released when they spend time with friends and family. On the other hand, the psyche of both women and men is negatively affected by the lack of social interaction. There are many ways to spend time with family and loved ones. You can play something together, you can prepare a good meal, or you can talk about how you felt in the last few days.

Intimate moments with your partner also have a positive effect on reducing stress. The study results indicated that kissing, hugging, and sex positively affect oxytocin release and lower cortisol levels. If you stress and avoid intimate moments, you should reconsider your approach. Maybe this can help you reduce stress.

If you are alone, you should not despair. According to scientists, the interaction with pets can also release the anti-stress hormone oxytocin. You will notice how the caress of the pet will please you and him.

5. Make plans and be productive

This point addresses, in particular, those who postpone all their duties indefinitely. The cause may be, for example, laziness or the feeling that a person has so many responsibilities and does not know where to start, so he postpones his activities and, in the end, does nothing. To avoid this problem, it is necessary to determine what activities you need to do and when they should be completed at the latest. Once you’ve made a list, divide individual tasks into smaller tasks that aren’t as difficult to complete as an entire task.

Then schedule these smaller tasks daily to be sure that you can handle them smoothly and that you don’t have to meet deadlines at the last minute. Thanks to this system, you do not have to stress that you will be left behind and thus, the individual tasks will be easier to perform. You will see that the feeling of seeing “checked” all the tasks you had for a particular day is invaluable.

6. Try mindfulness

Mindfulness is a technique that helps reduce fatigue and stress. Simply put, try to be more aware of the present moment to learn how to work better with your thoughts, and negative situations will not control you.

How to practice this method?

• Try to find a position (standing or down) to feel comfortable and relaxed.
• Just focus on your breathing and try not to think about anything else.
• If you can’t focus on breathing, try to count the seconds you breathe and exhale, this should distract you from other thoughts.
• If you still have thoughts, try to ignore them and focus on breathing again.

This way, you will focus on the present during all activities. No matter what you do, always try to focus on just one thing: running, eating, or washing dishes. Perceive this activity with all your senses. This way, you will learn how to work with thoughts and suppress excessive stress.

8. Try supplements

Adaptogen

Adaptogens can help you better manage your physical and mental stress, anxiety, fatigue and stress. The first one we want to introduce you to is Ashwagandha (Indian ginseng).

Many studies have confirmed the anti-stress effects of this root. A good example is a research in which significant differences were observed between two people with chronic stress groups, one receiving Ashwagandha and the other not. The effect of this root on reducing stress has been confirmed by other research. Participants who took Ashwagandha felt significantly less stress and, in addition, the quality of sleep improved.

It is ideal to take at least 300-500 mg of this root extract daily to enjoy its benefits.

Another adaptogen, Rhodiola Rosea (yellow root), has similar effects. According to the results of some studies, the extract of this plant can effectively reduce the symptoms of stress as a method of preventing chronic stress and its complications. Similar results were found by another research team, which found a significant reduction in anxiety, stress, anger, confusion, depression and even a significant improvement in mood after only 14 days. Rhodiola should be effective at a daily dose of 50 mg.

Vitamins to reduce stress

Vitamin B

According to the results of studies, supplementation with the B vitamin complex can have an effect on increasing cognitive performance and reducing stress at work, which ultimately translates into long-term stress reduction. According to a systematic analysis study in 2019, which included 16 studies with a total of 2015 participants, vitamin B can help reduce personal stress and depression caused by stressful situations. Anyone who feels overwhelmed at school or work should focus on taking B vitamins. A dose of high-quality multivitamins should easily cover the recommended daily dose.

L-theanine

L-theanine is an amino acid that is most often found in tea leaves. So it’s no coincidence that many people drink tea when they want to calm down and reduce stress. The studies show that L-theanine can reduce stress and support the body without calming down. Subsequent research, in which participants regularly drank a drink containing 200 mg of L-theanine, showed a significant reduction in cortisol levels, the stress hormone, which was released in the body due to the stressful tasks associated with multitasking. To experience a positive effect, the dose of L-theanine should be around 100-200 mg.

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I am slowly approaching my thirties and, when I think about it, I can’t help but feel a panicky fear quite simply because I know that my product will lose its value on the goodness market and that as an escort girl, my prices will only go down over the years. The sad reality that I don’t like to think too much about.

I recently found myself facing a client over 60 who told me that he had never slept with women over 30. He spoke of women his age with a grimace of contempt, explaining to me that he could not even look at them – they were disgusting, it seems – and certainly not consider them. It pissed me off.

I wanted to throw anything at him. I tried to tell him that he was ugly, that he was unfuckable, that I just fucked him because I was paid. I wanted to ask him if he believed that the 25-year-old babes he was fucking were masturbating while thinking of him. But his confidence was insupportable. I wanted to ask him who he thought he was, denigrating women his age, kicking women who were less than half their age, and finding it perfectly normal. I was furious that a jerk like him could afford to be choosy as if it was his due.

All women are beautiful

Why so much sensitivity? Why did this client’s words upset me so much? Probably because they came to touch me in the heart – they showed me very brutally that the day I turn 60, men of my age will speak of me with the same grimace, the same contempt. One day I will be stale, invisible, unfuckable in the eyes of many. One day, no one will want to pay me to fuck anymore. No one will go lyrical about my ass, my breasts, my hips, my legs, telling me how amazing my body is – which is not valid, by the way, my body looks like the bodies of all the other escorts from my agency.

Because, in my (expensive) agency, there are only young, thin, non-disabled, cis girls, very predominantly white (the rare non-whites having the immense pleasure of being presented as pearls of exoticism and fetishized at will).

His comments came to contradict what I wanted to believe, that is to say, that the hierarchy of fuckability does not exist and that all escort girls working with our Escort Agency are beautiful, including those who fall outside the norm of conventionally pretty: the old ones, the fat, trans, disabled, hairy, muscular, those who have just given birth, those with hanging breasts, those who have no breasts at all. And I think that’s what pissed me off about the words of this confident 60-year-old. I wanted to forget that I was right in the beauty standards of the moment and the place and that I would be ejected from it one day.

I wanted to believe that the privilege of beauty does not exist, but it is stupid.

In fact, women all know very well where they are on the scale of goodness. Already because they see which bodies are highlighted in magazines and pubs very well. And then, because they are well aware of the privileges they derive or do not derive from their appearance: personally, people tend to come to me, to smile at me, to be friendly, to trust me, to take me in, stop, apologize when I make mistakes, call me back for an interview when I send resumes.

Men look at me, pay attention to me, carry my suitcases and hold doors for me, give me lots of compliments – and also, in my case, they pay me handsomely to sleep with them. To tell women that they can all be considered equally sexy and desirable is to take them for idiots. It is very clear that some whores can afford to cost more than others.

The problem is not so much that some people are perceived as more desirable than others, but rather that being desirable, for a woman, is considered an obligation, a goal to be achieved at all costs to be accepted. – which woman has never heard “yes, you have [such a physical defect] but doesn’t worry, there are men who like it.”

All bodies are beautiful

We want to say to ourselves that all women are beautiful. All bodies are beautiful. Including those of men? Naaaaaan, lol lol, men are not attractive. Not many people in the body’s positive movement are going to claim the right of men to be considered desirable. And yet, standards exist for them too, and they are drastic – for example, almost 50% of women refuse to date a shorter man (compared to only 13.5% of men who would refuse to date a woman bigger than them).

However, it is hard to imagine the popular fervor defending the right of a small man to be considered sexy. Because it is hard to imagine supporting the request of a man, period, to be considered sexy (And not don’t talk to me about Tom Cruise, all the camera shots are made to make him look bigger than he is) (and 1m70 isn’t that short either), so imagine a man who is not in the norm… I’m waiting for the moment when someone will tell me that the body of a minor, old, obese, hairy, and disabled man is super sexy.

A short, old, obese, hairy, disabled man is often the cliché image we have of clients of prostitution – and we wonder with horror how young and beautiful escorts manage to sleep with THAT, poor people.

Except that we think that it doesn’t matter to be considered ugly for a man. Men aren’t meant to be sexy anyway. Men are desirous, women desired. Men are subjects, and women are objects.

Most straight men go through their lives, never knowing what it feels like to be wanted for their bodies – or even wanted at all. Like ugly women, we claim loud and clear the right to be fuckable like the others. Moreover, in this little experiment on a dating site, the man ranked the most handsome receive barely more requests than the woman ranked the ugliest. On the fuckable body scale, men lose every time.

The old ones who didn’t want the old ones

So when a man – no longer too young and not very handsome – allows himself to say that the body of a 25-year-old woman is extraordinary. In contrast, the body of a 50-year-old woman is not extraordinary at all, and it causes quite an uproar. (Because you can imagine that I wanted to come to Yann Moix) (But I wouldn’t say I like to react too hot on current topics, so I didn’t cut straight to the heart).

Suddenly, we react. Who does he think he is? Does he think he’s handsome? Does he think he’s desirable? We send him photos of ultra-hot 50-year-old chicks to show him what he’s missing. When you’re fifty years old, we even send him pictures of his buttocks to show him that 50-year-old buttocks can be as shapely and firm as 25-year-old buttocks. To claim to be 1000 times better than them (and this is the moment when I make popcorn while letting you explain to me how 25 years is 1000 times better than 50 years). We send him, “well, you don’t like me either.” Big up (no) to those who told him he was ugly and had a small dick and an ass head.

Paradox. We try to prove to him that a 50-year-old woman can be desirable and that he should type in his category instead of snubbing them for younger people he does not deserve. He admits at once half-word that the youngest is still the category above the oldest.

Almost like being told, “YES, 50-YEAR-OLD WOMEN ARE DESIRABLE!” Say it! Say they are desirable! Say they can make you hard! »

Sexual subject

So okay, I understand. I wanted to do the same with my client (by the way, I couldn’t resist, and I still dropped 2-3 sentences without cranberries). I wanted to snatch from his mouth that at 60, I would still be good – whereas objectively, if I were 60, I would like to fuck everyone except the jerk self-satisfied that he is. All because I was pissed off.

But in the end, I tell myself that there may be plenty of advantages to not being fuckable anymore. To be automatically disqualified. To no longer be evaluated, judged, categorized for my body. Maybe I won’t give a fuck about being ugly anymore. Finally, isn’t that the genuine liberation of women? Instead of trying to be good-whatever-my-body is, break free from the dictate of being good? Acting instead of appearing? Finally, being tackled ugly doesn’t seem to slow down the men too much – I doubt it leaves them cold (let’s be honest, it doesn’t leave anyone hard), but they don’t seem too much to formalize.

As Maïa Mazaurette says:

“Hey. You can be ugly-fat-old-insert here, the societal obsession of the moment without destroying trust. Quite a few men, who are allowed a greater diversity of talents, recover perfectly from their ugliness: they will play on another board and presto. I wish women could say to themselves at some point: I’m ugly, AND I’m going to have a great life. »

It might not be so wrong not to be a sex object anymore. Maybe I can finally allow myself to be a subject. Because in theory, the two shouldn’t be mutually exclusive – but in practice, they often are.

Maybe when I can no longer get excited about a man getting excited about my body, I will allow myself to get excited about men’s bodies. I hope that with the money that I will have saved from the crap, I will be able to afford escorts – and not old people, young guys who will look like the Kit Harington of now, I will be embarrassed, well. By the way, little personal message to the boys born in 10 years, if you could manage to look like Kit Harington and become escorts when I am 50-60, that would suit me. Thank you, kisses!

Maybe when I no longer consider that my body can be an object of desire, I will tell myself that I have other assets that are perfectly worth it. I will have the audacity to flirt with 1000 young men times better than me by telling myself that my assurance, experience, or maturity will seduce them. Maybe it will even work.

Well, I still hope I’m not stupid enough to exoticize non-white guys in a very racist way without seeing where the problem is

And maybe I won’t even give a shit, and I won’t give a fuck, because I’ll finally consider myself fully and totally for something other than my ability to make dicks hard. And I hope that when that time comes, I’ll take mentally high five the same-not-30-something that I am today, telling her that her insecurities are unfounded and that she has nothing to be afraid of. . That not being considered a sex object, after all, is not so bad.

Maybe even, to piss off, I’ll say in a public interview that, me, 50-year-old guys, I don’t find them extraordinary I find them invisible, they don’t attract me, that’s all. And if it happens, in this fictional world of the future, it will cause an uproar, that lots of guys will send me pictures of their butts or pictures of future George Clooney, trying to prove me wrong. And I can only enjoy the irony, seeing these men who criticize me for treating them like objects while being offended that I disqualify them as the object of my fantasies.

The irony of wanting to be wanted by someone they don’t even want. Because, ultimately, to quote Virginie Despentes:

“I don’t care to put the pole to men who do not make me dream.”

And yes, I should get over it.

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