It’s 7:40 a.m. on a typical weekday. I drive my car to the Escort Agency, listen to my favorite song playlist on Spotify, and sing along sometimes out loud and sometimes just in my head. I already know the track inside out. This allows me to wander in my mind.
And as so often, you come to mind, but only on certain songs. You’d think it would be ours. But they aren’t, because we’ve never heard them together.
And as so often, you come to mind, but only on certain songs. You’d think it would be ours. But they aren’t, because we’ve never heard them together
I think to myself conversations that we lead to it. How we lead them and what we say. The way you look at me like I’m the most beautiful escort girl you’ve ever seen. Of course, this is all just the fruit of my imagination, in other words: a beautiful daydream that will never come true.
Dreamy Conversations
I replay the few short conversations we’ve had in real life in my head until I have the perfect answers to your questions. As if you could take back what has already been saying and replace it with something better. Pure wishful thinking, of course.
Every time I see you my heart skips a beat and the only question I want to ask you is: do you feel the same way? Don’t have the courage and be too scared of your answer as it won’t be the one I picture in my head almost every day.
Every time I see you my heart skips a beat and the only question I want to ask you is: do you feel the same way?
The question I then have for myself is: What does it bring me? Nothing, but one thing is certain: it does more harm than good. I get my hopes up for no reason and disappoint myself, so to speak. But in one moment it seems as if it were real – and I think that’s nice. I can’t stop, the urge to think of you only decreases from time to time, but it doesn’t go away completely.
The bitter reality
When we meet, which is a rarity, nervousness takes over, hot flashes follow, and my mouth can’t get a proper sentence out. Do you notice that? How can you not notice that? Even Facebook suggests you as a friend. Well, that’s probably from typing you into what feels like 100 times in the search box. The last time you visited me at work, you said you would like to come to my place. My answer was very perplexed: Yes, that’s fine. What kind of answer is that?
According to one of your emails, you want to buy me a coffee. I’m still waiting for it though – probably in vain. Why would you buy me a coffee too? You have a girlfriend, according to my research – and I have a boyfriend.
You probably just wanted to be nice to me and maybe flirt a little, that’s all
And now I just feel stupid. You probably just wanted to be nice to me and maybe flirt a little, that’s all. And I fool think the rest of it. But despite everything, I hope that you will come through the door at any moment and ask me for a coffee. One can probably still daydream.
Why her and not me? – I follow my ex’s new girlfriend on social media
How is it that I always think about my ex for a while, sometimes wistfully and often obsessively following his online activities? Is it self-loathing, masochism, or the dopamine rush that kicks in whenever I receive a morsel of information?
So I click through the profiles of his girlfriend, who is no longer that new, read about their last vacation together, and try to count how long we were together until he left me for her. She calls him boyfriend and he calls me girlfriend. She wants a themed cake from Sweden from him for his birthday and I just removed his birthday cakes from my freezer last year.
I mean, since I have a new partner who makes me happier than anyone else, at least I don’t feel lovesick anymore.
I mean, since I have a new partner who I like, makes me happier and makes me laugh like no other, at least I don’t feel lovesick anymore. But I feel something like envy. Envy of the winner for the key to his heart.
The feeling of being something special
He gave me the key to his apartment about a month after we met. It was also around that time that he indiscreetly yelled his first “I love you” in my face on the street, affirming that this was only the second time in his life that he had been so happy with a woman. Was that it? That naughty feeling of being special?
Now, when I lie next to my partner, I always feel special until he brings me down to earth. He doesn’t want another marriage, spending Christmas with my family is in his eyes a trifle, but by no means a reason for tears of joy and the key he gave me, I initially thought, in a mixture of mistrust and uncertainty, was a joke, which is why I keep ringing the bell every time I visit.
He thought we were wonderful and I thought we were wonderful. Unfortunately, he liked so many other women at the same time – last but not least, now her.
Of course, my ex screwed me up somehow. He made me feel important and right for a while. We got along so well, laughed, didn’t argue much, always hugged each other. He thought we were wonderful and I thought we were wonderful. Unfortunately, he liked so many other women at the same time – last but not least, now she.
So I stray over her profile, wrinkle my nose in contempt and think, “What are you doing here anyway?”. ‘Cause I should have gotten over it by now. I have found the other, the one great man for here and now. I’m just not sure, neither is feeling nor perception.
Been there, done that
Every scene feels the same as the first. Everything has somehow been seen, experienced, and felt. Every excursion, movie night, dinner with friends, and even the most basic entertainment. It’s life in the loop. And so there is no certainty, no uniqueness. It’s just a continuation of the old story to see if we can level up.
So when I look at her photos with envy, I discover my old world is hers. That should calm me down because I already had all that. I guess I’m just afraid that one day I might discover something new in her. Something I’ve never achieved. Lesson learned – I’m just going to finally block her profile now.
Are you made for each other?
No one and nothing will separate you. Here are the signs that tell you that the one you are with now is the one you will stay with until the end of your life. You’re lucky, did you know that? Some people have been looking for a partner for years to be with them, to complement them, to love them unconditionally, and with whom to spend the rest of their lives.
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You have respect for each other
Without respect, a relationship will not last long. Respect does not only mean admiring the other person, but also showing respect for his or her desires, feelings, and rights in the relationship. When you respect someone, you not only accept them, but you also value their thoughts and opinions.
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Encourage each other
Words of encouragement help a lot in the couple’s relationship. Encouragement means asserting the other person’s worth. Say things like these words:
– You’re special to me;
– I’m crazy about you;
– I couldn’t have done this without you;
– I love you;
– I am grateful for everything;
– I thank the Universe for bringing you into my life;
– You are everything I wanted from a partner.
When you say such beautiful things, your partner feels motivated to do your best to make your relationship a wonderful one.
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You are vulnerable to each other
Being vulnerable means being willing to take emotional risks. Give up your masks, let your guard down and show all your weaknesses, fears, and talk about your disappointments in life. It takes courage to express such intimate emotions in front of your partner. Vulnerability is essential to the health of the relationship because it gives it more meaning and more depth.
When both partners are vulnerable, they offer each other feelings of security, of real, sincere, pure, and mature love.
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You make it a priority
People who truly love make time for each other. They want to be together. They want to do beautiful things together. Their actions show that the relationship is the most important. If he spends time with you regularly, this is a clear sign of commitment to you.
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There is complete trust
Trust is a massive part of a relationship.
The best way to gain your partner’s trust is to live your life and allow your actions to speak louder than what you say. How do you gain your partner’s trust? Here are some tips:
– do not lie to him;
– do not break your promises;
– choose to be there for him emotionally and physically;
– do not flirt with other people;
– show him that you care about him through small deeds;
– show him that you are trustworthy;
– tell him you care about him;
– Take off your masks and learn to be vulnerable in front of him.
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Communicate very well
Good communication in a relationship means open and sincere communication. You have the freedom to be yourself and to share your private thoughts without fear of being judged. You can talk about anything, and that’s reciprocal. Also, good communication means talking about your concerns or things that bother you about the other person. If this is done kindly, the person next to you will understand that you wish him well and that you want to help him evolve and become his best version.
We already know that there is no couple without a problem, but the harmony and understanding in the relationship depends a lot on how the partners perceive and react to the obstacles they encounter. If we are often asked to call a couple of therapists when we have problems in love, well, before this step you can try self-therapy, more precisely a few steps to help you better understand where you are as a relationship and what you have. could do to improve the emotional connection.
Self-therapy in solving couple problems
The 14 questions that partners need to ask themselves. These questions are key in couple therapy because finding the answers to them, identifying current or even future problems, finding common or compromise solutions, understanding the expectations that the two should have from each other.
- What are some of the current issues that may make it difficult for you to relate?
- How do I express what I want from this relationship?
- What can I do to improve the relationship right now and in the long run?
- What do I want from my life partner? What do I dislike at the moment and how would I like it to be?
- How do I express in front of my partner what I don’t like and what I would like from him?
- Do I feel that my partner can meet my needs? Am I convinced that my message reached him and was understood?
- What do I think are my behaviors that lead to conflicting relationships?
- What are my relationship models learned in childhood and adolescence? Do I agree with them? Do I bring them with me in my current relationship, do I copy them?
- How do I want my partner to change?
- How do I want to change?
- Am I independent of my partner? What about him?
- If I think there are no solutions to the relationship I was dreaming of, am I able to say “goodbye”?
- Do I feel ready to live alone?
- What are some aspects of the relationship that I would certainly not overlook? But the ones I question about their acceptance?
