What I wanted to say: we need bi+sexual visibility | Be part of Bi+Pride 2021

It has become quiet around me. Perhaps some, on the contrary, readers remember that my bisexual escort girl column texts “What I once wanted to say” have been available to read pretty regularly in recent years. This year I put most of my time into queer-feminist work in England’s first Bi+Prides and can now tell you about it in detail. As part of an enthusiastic group of Bi+activists, organize Bi+Pride 2021 for bi+sexual visibility. You can use Bi+  in activist and academic contexts as an umbrella term for all identities where a person can find people of more than one gender attractive.

So all people who are not monosexual. (Mono comes from the Greek and means “alone”, “only”, or “one”. This refers to homo- and heterosexual identities, which only refer to one gender.)

You can use Bi+ in activist and academic contexts as an umbrella term for all identities where a person can find people of more than one gender attractive. So all people who are not monosexual

Bi+sexuality includes, for example, bisexual, pansexual, queer, omnisexual, polysexual, homo- or heteroflexible and bi-curious. Some people also differentiate between sexual and romantic orientation. For example, they describe themselves as bisexual and homoromantic. At our Escort Agency, we encourage and support people to be what they want to be!

The ending “-sexual” in the orientations is usually used as an umbrella term but makes asexual people invisible. Therefore, some people explicitly use “-romantic” to express themselves even more clearly.

Our Bi+Pride on 23.09. – 09/25/2021

Our event consists of three days and starts on September 23rd, the official day of bisexuality. On Thursday, September 23rd, the bi-flag in pink, purple and blue will be hoisted at various online and offline locations.

On our homepage, you will find an overview of the exact locations where the flag is raised. So far, there were confirmed more than 14 cities and 23 buildings. There will be workshops (offline and online) on Friday, September 24th and other days. You can also find an overview here on the homepage. On Saturday, September 25th, there will be a demonstration throughout downtown London. You can see the entire route of the march here.

I am often asked why this is important. “Isn’t one CSD enough for everyone?” Together under the rainbow? Definitely! But there are also bi+-specific topics. And unfortunately, again and again, ignoring, making invisible and not taking Bi+ seriously – also in the queer community. We want to clarify this and, of course, change it.

I am often asked why this is important. “Isn’t one CSD enough for everyone?” Together under the rainbow? Definitely! But there are also bi+-specific topics

Bi+ erasure (making bi+sexuality invisible) means, among other things, lack of representation, lack of community, lack of awareness of the issue, lack of language and lack of recognition. This means that most of our culture stands and operates under the assumption that bi+sexuality does not and cannot exist most of the time.

This also results in many harmful prejudices about bi+sexuals, which I wrote about two years ago. Anyone who would like to find out more detailed information can do so on my homepage, where I have researched and worked through the many facets of bi+sexuality. If you prefer to listen, you can do so on my podcast. It can be said: All of this has severe consequences for those who love and desire more than one sex.

A little insight:

Bi+sexual young people need role models and visibility, as they are much more likely than homosexual (and heterosexual) peers to be bullied or tend to abuse drugs, are out much less often, and bi+sexual girls complain of sexualized assaults. (US study “Supporting And Caring For Our Bisexual Youth”). Bi+sexuals are often not taken seriously in the LGBTQIA+ community either, and they are repeatedly denied the right to belong. (DW article)

Bi+sexuals are not an insignificant minority, but 21% of German adults place themselves in the bi+sexual spectrum (18 to 24-year-olds, even 39%). (representative study by YouGov). 6 out of 10 bi+sexual women (61%) have experienced rape, physical violence and stalking by an intimate partner – significantly more than lesbians (44%) or straight women (35%). (US study “Sexual Violence, Stalking, and Intimate Partner Violence by Sexual Orientation”; easy to read here)

I didn’t know any of this myself for a long time and found it very frightening to read these numbers

It was long for me to classify my personal experiences as bisexual in the big picture. I only now realized how much I needed community – with the people who don’t need to be explained because they know it themselves. I didn’t know any of this myself for a long time and found it very frightening to read these numbers. It was long for me to classify my personal experiences as bisexual in the big picture.

Organizing a demo with an event around it for the first time is a coarse feeling. Being genuinely surrounded by your community for the first time and having a safe space is even more blatant. Access to the Bi+ community and learning about the many examples of Bi+ activists who have contributed to the LGBTQIA+ community can relieve some of the isolation and stress of not feeling “queer enough”. It can also help people better understand their identities as they can then access the thoughts and texts of other bi+sexual people and what it means(d) to be bi+sexual.

My wish is for straight or gay people who want to be allies (ally) for bi+people to educate themselves about bi+sexuality and listen to bi+sexual people

You can also ask bi+sexual people what they want from you as an ally.

Very important: Acknowledging that bi+sexuality exists and that it is a matter of personal and complete orientation. And: Acknowledging that there is bi+specific discrimination and its consequences, which differs from homophobia. Even if there are, of course, aspects that affect both sides. My wish is for straight or gay people who want to be allies (ally) for bi+people to educate themselves about bi+sexuality and listen to bi+sexual people.

In principle, couples and sexual practices are still often described according to which gender or – thought cis-normatively – which genitals occur. For example, if two people with vulvas have sex, it is called lesbian sex. But sex has no sexual orientation—only people who have it have one. If you don’t know a person’s sexual and romantic identity, don’t alien label them. Not even if you think you can read them from the choice of partner. Sexual and romantic identity and gender are not visible from the outside. People can only give you this information.

If you don’t know a person’s sexual and romantic identity, don’t alien label them

Not even if you think you can read them from the choice of partner. Sexual and romantic identity and gender are not visible from the outside. We are all human, and I wish that we will live in a world where everyone lives without discrimination so that neither CSD nor Bi+Pride is needed. As long as that is not the case, I can only cordially invite everyone – regardless of whether they are bi+ or not – to the first Bi+Pride in England. Offline, online, everything is possible.

Unforgettable Forbidden Nights: How I Risk Everything to Please You

A party, a woman, a man. The classic among introductory stories. And yet somehow different. At least that’s how it felt. Me, 30, married, child. He, 26, forgiven. Any average person would shake their heads now – but the attraction was too great. The first exchange of views was too intense. And then, when we stumbled over each other, it was unavoidable. Me, 30, married, child. He, 26, forgiven. Any average person would shake their heads now – but the attraction was too great.

Less than 15 minutes later, we were holding each other outside. Our bodies wanted to feel, dance and forget. Enjoy this one moment that was given to us. I trembled with every touch, and at some point, the boundaries blurred. At some point, we became one, even though I resisted for a long time. I didn’t want to let it, but it felt so good. I felt like I’d never felt before. It was a roller coaster of touches. Each felt different.

The next morning

We held each other all night and looked into each other’s eyes in the morning. There was something there, something particularly unique. At least that’s what I believed. You told me that you like my smile; I told you how wonderful deep brown your eyes are. You said to me that I remind you of your ex. I was flattered because she meant so much to you. And somehow not.

We held each other all night. And looked into each other’s eyes in the morning. There was something there, something particularly unique. At least that’s what I believed. You told me that you wanted to see me again. I told you it’s not possible. We talked about all the superficial and profound things. And then we left. We are separate from each other. Without goodbye. Simply that way.

Not without you

I wrote to you on the way home. that I already miss you. You were happy; at least that’s how I understood it. And after a few days, we had an appointment. A date when we will meet again. It was confusing and exciting at the same time. Back in everyday life, the thoughts are always only with this one person who is not your husband. And I thought it was the same for both of us. But as it turned out, it wasn’t.

It was confusing and exciting at the same time. Back in everyday life, the thoughts are always only with this one person who is not your husband. We saw each other again. In the hotel room, another classic. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, attacking each other like animals. Then lay naked next to each other, arm in arm. Felt that one song with everything that goes with it. You looked into my eyes, and I looked into yours. We were in that fragile little bubble where every moment was perfect.

The slap in the face

And then the bubble burst. You were hungry, and so was I. You casually said that we couldn’t touch each other outside. That you have other women who could see us. And I heard this loud cracking sound. Although it was much too early for such feelings, this tear in my heart. But since when do feelings reason?

I tried to cover it up, telling myself it was all about this damn good sex. We ate, and he yawned and yawned, his eyes wandering and rarely coming back to me. I joked about his womanizing. And he showed me pictures. And I felt terrible. Not good enough. And what did I do? I invited him to dinner; he paid for the hotel room after all. Self-esteem? Goodbye

I tried to cover it up, telling myself it was all about this damn good sex. We ate, and he yawned and yawned, his eyes wandering and rarely coming back to me.

And still, I couldn’t let go. Finally, he gave me what I was missing in the marriage. To be seen, to feel. Even if that was only possible in the bubble, I’m back with him in the hotel room. We were arm in arm, and it felt so damn good that I was willing to push everything else aside. So that at 5:45 a.m., we delighted the hotel room with our squeaky bed. And the following day, he only saw me again, shared his heart with me, and felt like we’d known each other forever.

The bottom line

As soon as I got home, I realized how much I missed him. And how bad he is for me. I let him know I couldn’t do that because I was too valuable. And yet I wish every day that he writes to me. That he tells me that he wants to see me again. He tells me things he doesn’t tell anyone else. And every day that he doesn’t call me, my heart keeps breaking a little bit because two nights can be damn intense.

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