I propose a relaxed conversation about childhood emotions and what we lack to be balanced when we grow up
As an escort girl, I think it is no longer news to anyone that childhood years are decisive in our emotional development and significantly impact how we perceive ourselves as adults.
As we mature, we realize things that we could not define or express when we were little, even if we felt them. We couldn’t even describe how they made us think or affected us because we didn’t have the necessary “tools” to process emotions. In most families, specific emotions, the “negative” ones, were not accepted; they had no space to be expressed. And then, we grew up believing that we were not allowed to express those emotions until they came to seem unimportant.
In my journey of self-discovery, I realized, after so many years, gestures or words that I missed or attitudes that hurt me when I was little. I do NOT condemn my parents; they raised me as they knew best, depending on their circumstances and the information they had, but times have changed, and now we have discovered how important emotions are in our development as balanced adults.
Now we discover that a good child is not necessarily a happy child, just as a rebellious child is not necessarily spoiled or naughty but may have sufferings that we do not know and cannot explain.
Analyzing my relationship with my mother, I realize that being a parent is not easy. No matter how hard you try to be perfect, you will make mistakes at some point and have to accept that. But maybe raising a child who later becomes a healthy and balanced adult is not about perfection but something much more tangible: an authentic connection.
As an escort girl, working in a friendly environment at the Escort Agency, I think that, first of all, the basis of a happy childhood is not complex parenting strategies but simple things such as care, acceptance, attention, gentleness, patience and especially love… And no, I am not relying on my experience as a parent because I’m not a mother, but I rely on my experience as a child who grew up and who now knows what he would have needed.
So, what do I think a child needs to become a balanced adult?
He needs you to talk to him.
Your parenting words are more powerful than you think, so choose them wisely and lovingly. Talk a lot with your child about everything. Express your emotions to show him that it is okay for him to do this too. He will thus realize that it is not a weakness to talk about what you feel and to open up to other people. Many of the people of my generation did not have open communication with their parents, which affected us in various ways, including how we relate to the world and those around us. We know how important communication is, so try to create a “safe” space where your child can express his feelings.
He needs to be seen and heard
Most of the time, our parents ignored us because they had too much work, were in adult discussions, or were too tired for us. And today, most parents are too preoccupied with their lives, with their phones, so children are left in the care of nannies or grandparents. But children need to be seen and heard by their parents because they need attention for everything they do or feel. They want to be applauded for every good grade, achievement or maybe just for a simple joke they made. Children must grow up knowing they are essential to the people they love.
He needs affection – offered in a balanced way…
How you express your affection towards your child will significantly impact his adult life. Children who feel loved and appreciated develop healthy self-esteem and can offer appreciation in return. But when affection is conditioned by the promise of being good or getting good grades, a child is likelier to develop unhealthy attachments as an adult.
What needs did you have when you were little, from this point of view? Maybe it will help you to ask yourself this question. I knew I needed the certainty that my parents loved me, that I was “enough” even when I made a mistake or took a slight grade. I didn’t always get it, so I understood that I always have to do something to get the love I want in return, that it doesn’t just come.
On the other hand, “suffocating” with affection can be harmful because it prevents you from establishing healthy boundaries with your child. Hence, many adults, especially men, do not accept too much love from their partners.
He needs encouragement
Confidence and self-esteem are formed in childhood, and the encouragement that comes from parents is significant. You are the first person to whom he will look for that “You can do this!” which motivates him to overcome his fears and show the world what he is capable of. And he still needs you to tell him that a failure is not the end of the country, that he will get up and try again until he succeeds.
Failure is an enormous monster even when we reach adulthood because we were taught from childhood to fear it. Our parents didn’t tell us, perhaps, that we can make friends by mistake, that this can become the lesson that helps us succeed. I, for one, was so afraid of not making a mistake that sometimes I felt short of breath when faced with a situation where I could fail in what I set out to do.
There are so many exams in life, to enter high school and college, to get your driver’s license and many others, but not an exam that guarantees you will be a good parent. This also involves soul abilities, which we do not learn at school.
I firmly believe that to become a good parent, you need to go through your self-knowledge process, understand yourself, know what your wounds and traumas are and know what to do with them in order not to pass them on to your children.
